Interesting Read - 10 Underrated Men AND Why You Should Date Them (11230 hits)
As Posted By Essence Magazine:
The availability of single men is largely about math. If there are 10 single men at a party and you disqualify 9 of them, your probability of meeting Mr. Right shrinks to below 10% (the reason it's 'below' is because, don't forget, he needs to not disqualify you). When you take this same concept and apply it to our daily lives, the result is that very few women meet and then, subsequently, date men. The average number of dates my female clients have before working with me is 3-5 per year (and I'm beginning to think this is the rule and not the exception). To increase the number of men you date, there are 2 basic things you can do: 1) Expand your social circles. 2) Open your mind to new men. Today we're focusing on #2 - the following list includes the 10 types of men most women disqualify and I suggest taking a second look.
Under 5'5" Guys
Height is the number one request I hear from my female clients, with the average request coming in at 6 feet. But, those same clients are surprised to know that only 14 percent of men in the U.S. meet or exceed that clearance level. Height is sought for the feeling of masculinity it embodies. However, masculinity is the combination of physical prowess (height is only a portion of this component), courage, and honor - he may be vertically challenged, but if he makes up for it in other areas, this guy is a keeper!
30-50% of men are reportedly introverts. This means that there are as many as 20 million single introverted men in the U.S. I've often said that introverts are invisible on the dating scene because it's unlikely that they will approach you and you may overlook them because of the distraction caused by their more dominant, extroverted counterparts. The quiet guy is one you should engage in conversation -- research shows that they are the most romantic lovers!
No Flava Guys
I'm calling out my cousins as well as wife's friends (sorry, ladies!) on this one...I always hear about a guy who's been tossed aside because he doesn't know why the bottom of your shoes are red, his suits aren't bespoke, and he's too nice. The "he's a cornball" excuse can only last so long. Having 'flava' says NOTHING about what's most important, the husband he will be and also the father he will be to your children...'flava' is like sprinkles on a hot donut from Krispy Kreme...nice but not necessary.
You won't find a stronger advocate for Black marriage than me (the core reason for founding my matchmaking company). But, the idea of not "dating out" because you're afraid of what your friends and family will say when you bring him to the 4th of July barbecue is unfair to your search for love. Don't be afraid to bring home a White boy!
Momma's Boy Guys
I moderate a popular Twitter show called Modern Day Matchmaker Wednesday where I match a bachelor or bachelorette with a date. I've never seen a faster demise of a bachelor than when one said he was a Momma's boy. What's ironic is that a man's relationship with his mother is often indicative of how he will treat his wife. Give these guys another chance...
Long Distance Guys
Most people look for someone within 25 miles of their home...thinking they will see them frequently. However, what's interesting is that most of us married folk see our spouses less than 20 hours per week (given long work days, travel, etc). As long as planes fly, I'm for dating everywhere...don't let distance stop you...most of us would relocate for career or education...why not extend the same thought for love?
The state of our economy has forced a lot of great guys into involuntary unemployment. He may not have a job today, but tomorrow he may be the VP at a Fortune 500 company. If his values match your own and you can determine that he has strong drive and determination, see this guy through the tough times and better days will be ahead.
Too Young/Too Old Guys
How many times have you said you won't date anyone more than 5 years older or younger than you (or some variation of this)? We must remove the mental tags from age requirements in dating. If we want someone that can "relate" to us, a number won't necessarily determine that. Put down your boundaries and plenty of new potential will open up (as long as you're not scouring school grounds!)
My favorite line from a client was that she refuses to date someone with "a cup size bigger than her own." From my research, being heavy is the second most undesirable trait in a man (right under being short - no pun intended). Let's face it, we're a nation of overweight people trying to lose weight. If health and fitness are a part of your lifestyle, chances are he'll adopt some of your healthy habits. My wife and I motivate each other with fitness challenges. Friendly competition can yield sweet rewards!
Just because his fingernails are dirty and his breath smells like fertilizer doesn't mean he'll never figure out how to remove his cuticles or that flossing isn't done exclusively in a drop-top. "Shopping" is one style of dating, but I prefer "investing." Look at your possible mate from the inside out - perhaps the qualities that can't be seen are worth much more than those that are visible. All beautifully cut diamonds started in the rough.
Reginald, it appears a lady has to do a whole lot of sifting flour....and you listed only 10?
Thursday, April 12th 2012 at 11:01AM
You know what... These things are pretty accurate ladies...
Monday, April 16th 2012 at 1:55AM
I can agree with most of these, but the bad breath thing is a huge turn-off. Everything else can be worked around as stated in the article.
Monday, April 16th 2012 at 12:24PM
Masterful piece. Expanding horizons is important in our "shopping-style" mentality. Maybe a lady should make a complementary version of this article.
Monday, April 16th 2012 at 1:27PM
I actually agree with your list ,however I think people of color will have more in common then people who are white,but then again there are exceptions to every rule.
Monday, April 16th 2012 at 4:22PM
Simply put...don't judge a book by its cover (smile)!
Tuesday, April 17th 2012 at 12:40PM
Sorry, I guess I'm not desperate yet! Since when does women have to settle, men don't? Funcky breath, dirty nails, fat with boobs, old as dirt, and a geeks. I'm five plus years divorces and plan to enjoy each point I am at in my life as the cards are dealt. I'm positive that a man wrote this article and if he were writing it for men it would have been a lot different. Ladies be patient and the right man for you will come along and if not hell make trips often to Jamaica and enjoy life!!!!!! I've been on both sides and being single is not all that bad but you always think you want what you never had. I did the marriage thing and it wasn't to bad, and neither is being single. Just like a man, I want someone who I am attracted to......sorry the days of women just wanting to have a husband is over, we know what we what to and should not have to settle. I can get with short, other race, younger, introvert, flava deprived (can't be to nerdy though) but the DD bra cups, stinky breath, dirty nail can kick rocks.
Wednesday, April 18th 2012 at 9:47PM
Yeah, I started to sift and now I'm just waiting on God to show me "which friend" is the one He wants me with. It takes a whole lot of work outta the situation and I can maintain being myself and not worry so much about "is he the one".
My problem isn't that. I'll date anyone who treats me with respect and is honest with me. Most guys I meet are not interested in anything but games and every woman they see, and I'm too old and too tired to play games. I' m better off alone. I enjoy the peace
Friday, April 20th 2012 at 8:18PM
That's not my problem. I will date anyone who is honest with me and respects me. Most of the guys I meet are only interested in games and every woman they see, and I'm too old and too tired for games. I don't even have a problem being alone anymore.I like peace, even if it means having it alone.
Friday, April 20th 2012 at 8:31PM
I agree with the first few, but age is a factor: for example most women who have their fathers in their lives don't want to date a guy that is 20 years older than them and that us old enough to be their father's best friend. And the Man-Boob guys is also a huge factor because if you are physically fit, why would you want someone who isn't physically fit? If he is working out on a daily to get fit, then that's a different story. And the cavemen guys is also a huge factor because personal hygiene is important. Who wants to be around a person who doesn't take proper care of themselves as far as brushing his teeth, grooming, etc.
Monday, April 23rd 2012 at 3:53PM
You're right, Hygiene is very important. Everything a person does say's something about their character. W e don't have to except anybody just to have somebody.
Monday, April 23rd 2012 at 11:32PM
Wow! I can agree with all of the above except the man boobs, bad breath and dirty nails. Yes, those are things that can be rectified but why should I be the one to do that? You don't have to look like a "Greek god" but please take some pride in how you look. At least smell nice, that will grab anyone's attention. We all should set or have standards but they then we ourselves should also be able to meet the same standards that we set for our man or woman. It should be a two-way street, maybe you can meet somewhere. Bad breath, no, no, no, no, no. My nose is too sensitive for that!!! I don't want to feel any breast touching me either. Sorry, just sayin, I have enough for both of us. Lol!
Tuesday, April 24th 2012 at 1:56PM
"I" am 4'11'' but fall into the too old catagory....
but not my 5' in college , beautiful granddaughters, you 5'5''males. LOL!!! great post Reggie. (smile)
Wednesday, April 25th 2012 at 1:51PM
Interesting article, Reggie. I married my 5'4" guy in college. I was 5'2". Our daughter is about 5'9". He was very neat, focused and had a full time job and was a full time student. The marriage fell apart about a week after the wedding and we plugged along for a while but--. Yr next article should be about things young ladies need to look out. There are some serious things that many girls are unaware of.
Monday, August 13th 2012 at 5:23PM
Hey Cece, that sounds like a cool article. Someone from the female persuasion should write it. When are you going to write it so I can post it? :)
Tuesday, August 14th 2012 at 1:59PM
nooo, Reggie, U r on a roll here. I think the second part to this article should either be what men need to look for in a woman and they are overlooking , since many Black men are having problems finding suitable mates, or what Co-eds need to look out for while dating and attending college. Hmmm?