Often times we wonder if the egg comes before the chicken, or if the chicken precedes the egg. In marital terms, pre-marital counseling must come before the engagement. Engagement is a monumental part of life that is typically done in private. Many have taken it to extensive levels by professing their love on reality television shows, at professional sporting events, restaurants and so forth. Whatever method you chose, it is of equal importance to put just as much thought or more into receiving per-martial counseling to discover if you two are remotely compatible. This counseling may be conducted by a professional within your community or at a place of worship for little to no cost. If you do not know where to begin, start with referrals from successful married couples you are acquainted with. You may say, “But we are in love! Why wait?” The answer is simple. Often, love is serves a blinder and shields the loving couples from seeing things that may hinder the loving couple’s long term growth. Just like curiosity killed the cat, ignorance can assassinate your marriage.
Premarital counseling covers a multitude of pertinent issues. Some of them are more important than others; however they all play a vital role in healthy relationship growth. The first issue is goal setting. Goals must be communicated and discussed openly. What is important to one may not be as important to another. For example, she might want to have a child by age 25 and become a stay at home mom while her partner may want to start at 35 and continue to have both parties work fulltime. If that 10 year child delay and stay at home plan is not co-signed by both parties, it sounds like they may be strolling down the divorce aisle because goals were not clear and upfront.
The next issue is communication. Do you communicate well with your spouse? Talking about what is going on in the world does not constitute substantive communication. Communication must start off with engaging in a meaningful dialogue about each other. As the relationship beings to get serious, it’s important to know more specifics about your potential life partner outside of just knowing their name and their astrological sign. One should meet the parents/family and watch how their partner converse with loved ones. This will be a reflection of how they will communicate with you. In addition, they should know everything about you. It is better to have the information upfront instead of finding out by someone off of the street. And if you think they can’t handle your truth, you need to to re-evaluate selecting them as a life long mate.
Too often newlyweds complain that their spouse’s behavior has changed since they said, “I do.” Maybe it has, but a strong argument can be made against that assumption. Maybe their behavior remained the same all along, but their companion was blinded by superficial things such as sex and material goods. Consequently, individuals marry who they want their partner to be, and become disappointed when that ideal person never comes to fruition. It’s time to “stand in our truth”, by accepting and dealing with reality. This is not hear say, but a method that is tried and true that will help your marriage get off to a great start and help lower the national 50% divorce rate. It is more important to focus on a healthy marriage than an extravagant wedding. Your future and your wallet will thank you. Now as my mother would say, “Now go ahead and love somebody”.
Posted By: Ladel Lewis
Friday, April 27th 2012 at 12:24AM