well my mom is a single mom, and the only men I really grew up around was my grandfather, my brothers came later from my dad's side i found out when I Was 11 or 12 lol...
I dont think it stunted me or anything like that..I think it even helped me be even more independent and strong seeing my mom go through so much without the help of a man...I mean some people may argue "every home needs a man" bla bla bla...but I mean every home doesnt need a man , there just has to be a sense of balance, family, and just PURE love...I mean i dont criticize the ones with fathers, but I dont think people should like place a negative thing on a family OR that child just because that mother may be single...
and to answer the reason why...black men losing perspective on what is really important, too focused on getting rich quick,getting a quick **** without any love involved, wanting to be a playa, and not focusing on the stuff we black women were born and taught to cherish from birth--love and family
My folks have been together for almost 22 years. I hate to see people that don't take care of their families. Especially the men. Not only does it make me look bad, but it makes our race as a whole look bad. All of the girls that i've taken interest in are **** at their "**** donors". I don't see how they could look their children in the eyes and leave them without another word. Especially those girls since I cared about them so much. In our community we're viewed as "the perfect black family". We live out in the suburbs where not until recently there were no black folks. My dad is retired from working 30 years with IBM and my mum works for the NC State Dept. of instruction. A wonderful set up, right? However, jealousy has played a big part in the way I was raised. Even before I could comprehend what I was being told, my parents told the that people wouldn't like me because of the type of family that I grew up in. People wouldn't like me because I had whatever I asked for. People wouldn't like me because I have lightskin and all that other good stuff. I seriously thought they were playing. Even when it started happening I didn't believe it (still find it hard as hell to believe). I don't understand how having a family has become "out of style" when its not a matter of what's "in". Its a matter of responsibility. :roll:
From the poll I see I was the first and only person to vote that my parents are divorced. I'm sure the stats would be different if more people would come into this forum and attempt to hold some intelligent conversation every once in a while.
I think I'm a product of generational curses, and I hope that when I get older and decide to marry I can break them. On my mom's side none of the females have had successful marriages. All of them over 18+ have kids outside of wed-lock except myself. On my dad's side, my grandfather hit my grandmother over the head with a coke bottle and she died two weeks later from a blood clot or something in the brain.
I think the cause of the problem is lack of role models. As a whole race even our country is beginning to accept that its ok to have a child without having a committed partner. Personally I value marriage and hope that it is something that I can experience for a long time.
I remember when i took Philosophy at VSU, it was about 50 people in that class, out of the whole class me and 4 other people in the class had married parents..
So so so many times does this question come up in the black community...I think that generally, its a matter of shifts in priority
In one aspect, you have couples who bear children out of wedlock and think nothing of it, because thats what society has grown to silently promote...its social acceptance is almost mistaken for social encouragement...the notion having both parents with the child becomes watered down with the infamous "i don't need him/her" or even "he/she isn't right for my child" or anything along those lines....Thats not to say that the phrases aren't absolutely correct from time to time...But there used to be a time where the situation wouldn't even get to that point to raise such a discussion....
Then you have those who are single parents because it really was the right thing to do....for example in abusive relationships, marriages that just stopped working, etc...Where the previous priority shift was from marriage being #1 to taking care of just me and my child becoming #1, in this situation....there was a time where spouses wouldn't dare divorce for the super-high reverence of marriage or for the sake of the children....this could prove unhealthy...but today, where it is proven that people can survive without being married, this allowed priorities to shift from marriage being #1, to health and sanity taking top spot....
The thing is, we perhaps may realize as we get older why people marry and what it is all about, even down to its spiritual meaning...But as kids, we didn't...so then why should our own?...how could our own if we can't show them ourselves....the process becomes its own perpetual machine...and we only are left to hope that they learn what is what soon enough....
They need to know that is is far more than a simple lisence certificate....
Also...our nation is experiencing some sort of trend..or what have you. The age of first time marriage is somewhere between 32-37 years...and we all know that these folks ain't wait for marriage so there's the factor of finding a mate you is willing to deal with you and your kids...baby momma/daddy drama, etc. Some would rather just stay single.
Perhaps people simply aren't seeing it as very important. On one hand, if two people are involved, are staying together, or already have a child, what is the purpose of being married? All this will do is limit both of their freedom, or so it is thought.
If two people are together but still feel the need to keep other options open, they do not need to be married because that is not a mature relationship. Not that there is anything wrong with that but they don't need to be married, because they are not planning on settling down or anything serious. On that same plane, do they really need to be taking on the responsibility that comes with a stable relationship, such as having kids?
I believe that being married is a serious commitment, and should not be taken lightly. The fact that it's a serious commitment is its strongest benefit. By being joined in marriage, both are accepting that this is the one and only relationship that they plan to pursue in the future. Which means that when arguments and frustrations arise, as they naturally will, both of them will accept losing some pride and some sleep every now and then to gain a partner for life. It also means that the rest of your life is a joint venture. You're going to have to sacrifice some time, resources, and freedom to invest in your spouse, because he or she will do the same for you. You may have to carry each other sometimes, but nobody should have an uneven load of the weight.
We live in a time where it is easy to accept great responsibility without having the tools to manage it correctly. Unfortunately this is like trying to build a skyscraper on a two-inch foundation. It might hold together for a little while, but its days are numbered. Holla!
My parents are married....and i am like wow because they were on the verge of divorce..plenty of times. Between my circle of friends...me and another friend of mine are the only two who live with both of our parents....and her dad isnt even her dad-its her step dad. I think thats sad...real sad. But then again just because u grow up in a two parent home doesnt mean u receive the best quality of life that way. My parents marriage, and themselves alone ARE NOT my role models...im sure thats not a good thing to say-but its true in my case. When i get married-i do not want to have a marriage like theirs and when i have kids i do not want to be parents like them. Black people need to get it together, single parents is becoming too much of a norm nowadays along with being young parents, when it shouldnt be. :?
my parents have been married for bout 23 years...yeah they argue sometimes but they're still going strong and I'm glad to have been raised by both of them :lol:
