Ok..I haven't been to church on the regular since I moved to the Chicago Area but before I moved I would go to church every sunday plus bible school and out side of the actually sermon my church was FULL of COMEDY..
1. I know this may seem mean but our choir had some kind of **** guy..I'm not sure if he could sing but he'd have on his BIG glasses(like Lil Darrell) and when the choir would clap he would always be off beat and he would clap LOUD as Hell..
2. One of our Deacons, couldn't see all that well or he couldn't read lol. When he would ask us to opend our books to So and So he'll read a scripture from another book..Someone would have to tell him to get on the right page..****..later he had a assistant to read from the book for him
3. Our church had a playground in the area and no patrol guy and when I was younger all of the kids would sneak out of church to have fun at the playground while we were supposed to be in church..
4. Why did this couple "Catch the holy ghost" 5 minutes after church started?? I mean..DAMN! They were running around and ish..lol
Well, that's all I have..Please share some memories about your church with us
:arrow: Some Sundays I sit and wish someone would start shouting (catching the holy ghost) just so my pastor can sit down...he keeps going like he's just waiting for somebody to hop out their seats.
....cosign my youth minister does that just waitin for people to come down the aisle...
at my old church we had fights all the time break out, usually after church, and it wasnt unusual for the kids to know all the details before some of the adults. At my father's church, there isn't any drama, which is kind of nice.
Oh yeah I do remember visiting a church two years ago where they locked the doors at offering so no one could leave. That was pretty crazy, and they took up three offerings that night! No wonder people think all churches are all about money!
There is this retardet man at church who has had a crush on me FOR YEARS...so I do whatever I can do in my power to avoide him cause he makes me so uncomfortable...Always wanting to grab my hand and give me hugs...Ewww :x
man i play a instrument at my church so i see ALL the good stuff...
one minister stood up one day unzipped his pants...and started tucking his shirt in his pants all the while just saying"Praise da LAWD...PREACH PASTOR!!"
and one lil boy put this other lil boy on BLAST...he was like I know where you live AND i know your full name....Oscar ________ Griffin....i was laughing so HARD
and another thing is my aunt and uncle are my pastor and 1st Lady and they be bickering back and forth...or my uncle will slip a joke in while he preachin....she be SOOO ****...i have tears coming down at the end of church
then this one tops it all...my uncle(pastor)was tellin everyone to come up for Alter Call...so its this **** dude and he old as hell...he has a FLASHLIGHT...all the damn lights on in church...he pulled the flashlight out and flashed it in his face and started grinnin....i had to leave the building...at that when i came back in he was still grinnin with that damn flashlight :lol:
At my church:
If u got kids u have to sit in a certain section of the sanctuary or the "urshers" will come and remove u and ur children in a hot minute!
When i saw that the line to pick ur kids up from children church wrapped back around to the sanctuary......i go to a big @ss church :?
Instead of someone readin the anouncements......we have video anouncements-yep right there in the sanctuary!
My friends church:
One Youth Sunday the preacher jus burst out into song and aint nobody expect it....and then he was talkin about "Join in" and aint nobody knew what the hell he was sangin...
The building fund offering: that gets taken up every sunday-but yet the church has already been renovated...2x
THIS HAPPENED TO ME LAST SUNDAY IN CHURCH:
MY LITTLE BOY (18 MONTHS) WAS BEING REAL HYPER IN CHURCH. TRYING TO CLIMB OVER THE PEW TO GET TO MY COUSIN, THEN CLIMBING BACK OVER TO GET TO ME, STANDING UP IN THE PEW, TALKING AND LAUGHING LOUD WHEN WE WERE PRAYING, JUST BEING REAL BAD. SO I TOOK HIS PACIFIER OUT OF HIS MOUTH (YEAH HE STILL **** ONE, AND WHAT!!!!!) AND WHISPERED IN HIS EAR THAT I WAS GONNA TAKE HIM OUTSIDE AND SPANK HIM IF HE DIDN'T CALM DOWN. HE STARED AT ME FOR A COUPLE OF SECONDS THEN HAULED OFF AND HIT ME IN MY CHEST AND IT WAS LOUD THAT THE PEOPLE IN THE PEW IN FRONT OF US TURNED AROUND AND THE PEOPLE IN THE PEW BEHIND US STARTED SNICKERING. I WAS SO EMBARASSED, I WANTED TO WHIP HIS LITTLE **** RIGHT THERE IN CHURCH.
MY CHURCH IS NOT A BIG CHURCH SO WE DON'T HAVE A NURSERY OR YOUTH CHURCH TO PUT THE KIDS IN DURING REGULAR CHURCH SERVICES.
I love my church because its prolly one of the most genuine churches I've been too and the people are mad cool and honest about who they are/were... which is a good thing but sometimes has its downside...
There is this one lady who has this whistle given to her husband (i think deceased) who was a police officer. At hi moments in the service she'll blow the whistle and just kinda **** the whole vibe for people (the whistle sounds like a blood curdling scream from a woman... yep).
We have a lot of former drug addicts and/or people who used to really be in the streets something serious back in the day. They've been so on fire for church stuff that they play significant rolls in the stuf going on during service. Every once in a while some of their quirky habits from the past will pop up.
Like this one cat goes to my church that people used to fear back in the day but now he's a changed man. When dude gets filled with the spirit its something else... its like he transforms into some kind of warrior and jumps up and down like he was in the trap listening to some lil john/david banner and knocks people over lol... he's at least a solid 250 pounds too.
The other one is my boy L. I work in the audio room w/him. Sometimes he gets so caught up he leaves the room and me workin the new board they got when i was away (i don't know what is what on there). So something will happen and we'll get massive feed back and everybody will look at me like i did something wrong lol and he'll be off in the congregation shoutin...
This lady in my church has a spirit stick....they all match her outfits...but they are little wooden sticks with different color ribbon on it. Its really distracting because everytime you start getting into the message you see this flash of colors out the corner of your eye and hear this whip sound like she's holy cat woman or something.
Well anyway you know that once there are a few normal Sundays in a month...there's always that one Sunday that everything is off the hook.
THIS WAS THE SUNDAY...Hilarious.
1st of Pastor collected an offering for this little older lady who was having problems paying her bills. So she shouted like THE WHOLE SERVICE....and she would pop up at the most awkward moments so the choir members (she was singing in the choir that sunday) had to keep running to save her. Well one time they almost didn't get to her quick enough...just when she was passing out...luckily they caught her before her head smacked the piano.
I was like uh oh...catch her and had everybody in my section rolling.
Then like 2 seconds later the lady with the spirit sticks starts waving it...HARD...next thing you know we see this purple ribbon fly through the air and hit the lady behind her.
yeah my friends and I were underneath the pew by now
Instead of the lady behind her giving the ribbon back..she starts waving it...Oh God we were died laughin.
Then in his messages...my pastor has the tendency to make up names. He'll be like: "Men instead of hangin on the corner with Nuck Nuck...Poody...and Skeeter all night you need to go home to your wives"....He son was like "Skeeter!" real loud...guess you had to be there...but it was wild because everybody was real quiet.
When i saw that the line to pick ur kids up from children church wrapped back around to the sanctuary......i go to a big @ss church :?
Instead of someone readin the anouncements......we have video anouncements-yep right there in the sanctuary!
My friends church:
One Youth Sunday the preacher jus burst out into song and aint nobody expect it....and then he was talkin about "Join in" and aint nobody knew what the hell he was sangin...
The building fund offering: that gets taken up every sunday-but yet the church has already been renovated...2x
