Ima try to be shortwinded cause I could do alotta elaborating on this issue...
Growing up...My MOTHER ran our home. She made alot of the decisions regarding just about everything, took care of the finances...and even at one point for a long time was the breadwinner in the house. Dont get me wrong, my father wasnt no soft n*gga who let my mom run all over him and whatnot...but he didnt have a problem supporting my mom in being head of the household in my opinion...
Growing up my mom would make comments to me like " an INDEPENDENT woman knows how to keep her own last name " My mom's name is hyphenated. " You should be prepared for ANYTHING and not have to ever depend on no man for nothing. " She loves my father and respects him as a man....but alot of her mentality is like " I love you as my husband and want you in my life, but I dont need you. I woud be aight without you. " Even tho I do have issues with my mom, and I have a lot of respect for her in this respect....
NOW, here is where I come in...
Because of how I have been raised...I plan on keeping my name just the way it is...not even hyphenating. Why you ask? Because I feel like Im still my own person and a name dont matter, and I am a more independent woman in doing so....PLUS a man can ask for his name back if yall get divorced...and Ill be damned if that happens to me...And I will still feel like I am in control...
As discussed in a previous thread, my son will NOT be named after his father. Why you ask? Because it is an unimportant tradition that needs to be broken in my opinion. And maybe its a bit extreme to feel but im just like " my husband aint so special where the son would automatically be named after him. No questions asked. " I think not. Plus, I feel like I wont have any control in that situation...
My friends think Im crazy to actually wanting to have a seperate bank account along with the shared account with my husband. But as I see it, and been raised...be prepared for ANYTHING...and you gotta be prepared with ya own loot....cause Ill be damned If for some reason my husband leaves me for another woman, and Im begging him for some money cause everything is in HIS name...I wont be going out like that, and he wont have that control over me.
These are just a FEW of the reasons why I have issues with men and control...I just wanna be an indepenent wife who can be in control, and not be the submissive type where my man has to be the one making all the decisions and whatnot because he is a " man. "
Hopefully yall can see why I feel the way I do about this....but feedback is appreciated.
I can feel u Mila. Mainly becuz i was raised by a strong mother as well. I think the same can be said from most Black girls in our generation becuz of single parent homes, or households where the mother had to work just as hard as the father (if not more) to maintain their livelihood. But i think issues such as this is the main reason why Black marriages aren't lasting anymore.
What it all boils down to is ego. People (men and woman) have a fear of being submissive. Mainly becuz our society has given it a negative stigma. There is nothing wrong with being submissive to a person that loves, adores, and respects you. Marriage was designed for two people to unite and become ONE. That cannot be achievable if both parties are struggling to see who can maintain the most control/power. Marriage is sacred, holy, and comparible to our relationship with Christ. Would you NOT submit yourself to Jesus? Did he NOT submit himself and give his life for you? Even tho he was constantly abused, mistreated, and unloved...he did it anyway. If i am to call myself a supposed Christian and striving to be like him, i have to learn how to drop the ego and learn how to serve, surrender, and submit. Besides, if it's TRULY love...it shouldn't be that hard anyway
So what purpose would getting married serve for you?
To be loved, to love someone else whole heartedly, have a family, to know i have an " other half " who gives me the support i need in the decisions I make for myself, to know someone is my strength when my just aint enough and vice versa, etc...
Oh yea....thanks for all your comments everyone. Im taking in all that you are saying...especially yours Kenya.
You dont have to be submissive in order to submit unto someone.And according to the bible a couple must submit to one another.Thats all I have to say for now.
^^oh, i don't know if it was coming across as a way of me telling females to be "submissive" in the term of **** or whatever. But i just used "submissive" becuz it is another form of the word "submit". But yeah, i totally agree. When i speak of submitting in marriage...it goes for BOTH.
Lady_ J wrote:
laidbackfella wrote:
Lady_ J wrote:
but feedback is appreciated.
So what purpose would getting married serve for you?
Im taking in all that you are saying...especially yours Kenya.
And oh yeah, i don't want u to think i was talking directly to u Mila. Becuz i think it's an issue that both men AND women deal with. Hey...i have it bad too. I have a really big fear of giving all that i have to a man, watching it crumble, and then being left with nothing. But hey, that's the risk u take when u believe in love.
My friends think Im crazy to actually wanting to have a seperate bank account along with the shared account with my husband. But as I see it, and been raised...be prepared for ANYTHING...and you gotta be prepared with ya own loot....cause Ill be damned If for some reason my husband leaves me for another woman, and Im begging him for some money cause everything is in HIS name...I wont be going out like that, and he wont have that control over me.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with this. That is the way it should be. You must have something for yourself in cause nuccas want to get all crazy and take all ya shyt.
and we all know how much men usually walk away from divorces wit
Damn Mila thats harsh. Why even get marries just have a live-in boyfriend I mean that basically what it is anyway.....
Whats harsh? and it really isnt the same thing...and plus i dont believe in shacking up.
I have to agree with Deon.........smh..........
Shacking up???
Hmmmmmmmmm
so if you dont believe in that.........
I HOPE you dont plan on spending MORE than like $200 to go downtown to the judge to get married then..........because thats ALL you need is a piece of paper huh??
