Joke 1
One evening a man was at home watching TV and eating peanuts. He'd toss one in the air, then catch it in his mouth. In the middle of catching one, his wife asked a question, and as he turned to answer her, the peanut fell into his ear.
He tried and tried to dig it out but succeeded only in pushing it in deeper. His wife tried to help, but after hours of trying they became worried and decided to go to the hospital. As they were ready to go out the door, their daughter came home with her date. After being informed of the problem, their daughter's date said he could get the peanut out.
The young man told the father to sit down, then shoved two fingers up the father's nose and told him to blow hard. When the father blew, the peanut flew out.
The mother and daughter jumped and yelled for joy. The young man insisted that it was nothing and the daughter brought the young man out to the kitchen for something to eat.
Once he was gone the mother turned to the father and said, "That's wonderful - isn't he smart? What do you think he's going to be when he grows older?" The father replied, "From the smell of his fingers, our son-in-law!"
Two Blonde men were in the woods hunting. One looked at the other and said, "I've got to take a Sh*t."
The other said, "Well go behind one of those big trees, and Sh*t."
The first one said, "But I don't have any paper to wipe my ****." The other blonde replied, "You have a dollar, don't you?"
The first one said, "Yeah, I've got a dollar. That's a great idea-- I'll use that!"
He left and came back with Sh*t all over his hands and clothes.
His friend looked at him and asked, "What in the hell happened to you?"
The first one replied, "Have you ever tried to wipe your **** with 3 quarters, 2 dimes, and a nickel?"
In Cleveland's voice off of Family Guy.
"That's just wrong."
Two Blonde men were in the woods hunting. One looked at the other and said, "I've got to take a Sh*t."
The other said, "Well go behind one of those big trees, and Sh*t."
The first one said, "But I don't have any paper to wipe my ****." The other blonde replied, "You have a dollar, don't you?"
The first one said, "Yeah, I've got a dollar. That's a great idea-- I'll use that!"
He left and came back with Sh*t all over his hands and clothes.
His friend looked at him and asked, "What in the hell happened to you?"
The first one replied, "Have you ever tried to wipe your **** with 3 quarters, 2 dimes, and a nickel?"
In Cleveland's voice off of Family Guy.
"That's just wrong."
Two Blonde men were in the woods hunting. One looked at the other and said, "I've got to take a Sh*t."
The other said, "Well go behind one of those big trees, and Sh*t."
The first one said, "But I don't have any paper to wipe my ****." The other blonde replied, "You have a dollar, don't you?"
The first one said, "Yeah, I've got a dollar. That's a great idea-- I'll use that!"
He left and came back with Sh*t all over his hands and clothes.
His friend looked at him and asked, "What in the hell happened to you?"
The first one replied, "Have you ever tried to wipe your **** with 3 quarters, 2 dimes, and a nickel?"
In Cleveland's voice off of Family Guy.
"That's just wrong."
Two Blonde men were in the woods hunting. One looked at the other and said, "I've got to take a Sh*t."
The other said, "Well go behind one of those big trees, and Sh*t."
The first one said, "But I don't have any paper to wipe my ****." The other blonde replied, "You have a dollar, don't you?"
The first one said, "Yeah, I've got a dollar. That's a great idea-- I'll use that!"
He left and came back with Sh*t all over his hands and clothes.
His friend looked at him and asked, "What in the hell happened to you?"
The first one replied, "Have you ever tried to wipe your **** with 3 quarters, 2 dimes, and a nickel?"
In Cleveland's voice off of Family Guy.
"That's just wrong."
