Ima try to be shortwinded cause I could do alotta elaborating on this issue...
Growing up...My MOTHER ran our home. She made alot of the decisions regarding just about everything, took care of the finances...and even at one point for a long time was the breadwinner in the house. Dont get me wrong, my father wasnt no soft n*gga who let my mom run all over him and whatnot...but he didnt have a problem supporting my mom in being head of the household in my opinion...
Growing up my mom would make comments to me like " an INDEPENDENT woman knows how to keep her own last name " My mom's name is hyphenated. " You should be prepared for ANYTHING and not have to ever depend on no man for nothing. " She loves my father and respects him as a man....but alot of her mentality is like " I love you as my husband and want you in my life, but I dont need you. I woud be aight without you. " Even tho I do have issues with my mom, and I have a lot of respect for her in this respect....
NOW, here is where I come in...
Because of how I have been raised...I plan on keeping my name just the way it is...not even hyphenating. Why you ask? Because I feel like Im still my own person and a name dont matter, and I am a more independent woman in doing so....PLUS a man can ask for his name back if yall get divorced...and Ill be damned if that happens to me...And I will still feel like I am in control...
As discussed in a previous thread, my son will NOT be named after his father. Why you ask? Because it is an unimportant tradition that needs to be broken in my opinion. And maybe its a bit extreme to feel but im just like " my husband aint so special where the son would automatically be named after him. No questions asked. " I think not. Plus, I feel like I wont have any control in that situation...
My friends think Im crazy to actually wanting to have a seperate bank account along with the shared account with my husband. But as I see it, and been raised...be prepared for ANYTHING...and you gotta be prepared with ya own loot....cause Ill be damned If for some reason my husband leaves me for another woman, and Im begging him for some money cause everything is in HIS name...I wont be going out like that, and he wont have that control over me.
These are just a FEW of the reasons why I have issues with men and control...I just wanna be an indepenent wife who can be in control, and not be the submissive type where my man has to be the one making all the decisions and whatnot because he is a " man. "
Hopefully yall can see why I feel the way I do about this....but feedback is appreciated.
I can feel u Mila. Mainly becuz i was raised by a strong mother as well. I think the same can be said from most Black girls in our generation becuz of single parent homes, or households where the mother had to work just as hard as the father (if not more) to maintain their livelihood. But i think issues such as this is the main reason why Black marriages aren't lasting anymore.
What it all boils down to is ego. People (men and woman) have a fear of being submissive. Mainly becuz our society has given it a negative stigma. There is nothing wrong with being submissive to a person that loves, adores, and respects you. Marriage was designed for two people to unite and become ONE. That cannot be achievable if both parties are struggling to see who can maintain the most control/power. Marriage is sacred, holy, and comparible to our relationship with Christ. Would you NOT submit yourself to Jesus? Did he NOT submit himself and give his life for you? Even tho he was constantly abused, mistreated, and unloved...he did it anyway. If i am to call myself a supposed Christian and striving to be like him, i have to learn how to drop the ego and learn how to serve, surrender, and submit. Besides, if it's TRULY love...it shouldn't be that hard anyway
^^^^ CLEARLY... you dont understand what Im saying, so no point in entertaining your comment.
oh I understand what you are saying............
and like I said I agree with Rod...........
and it makes PLENTY of since........
You want someone to LOVE you and you want to have YOURs as YOURS.........and @ the Same time you saying all this talk about Divorce...........so just STAY single............and get a Live-in boyfriend so when he pisses you off you can kick him out :arrow: :arrow:
if ya NOT changing your name(becoming ONE with your spouse) then WHY get married??? all for the fact that "Shacking" is wrong???? :arrow:
^^^^ CLEARLY... you dont understand what Im saying, so no point in entertaining your comment.
oh I understand what you are saying............
and like I said I agree with Rod...........
and it makes PLENTY of since........
You want someone to LOVE you and you want to have YOURs as YOURS.........and @ the Same time you saying all this talk about Divorce...........so just STAY single............and get a Live-in boyfriend so when he pisses you off you can kick him out :arrow: :arrow:
if ya NOT changing your name(becoming ONE with your spouse) then WHY get married??? all for the fact that "Shacking" is wrong???? :arrow:
