1. Your **** is never a factor in a job interview.
2. Your orgasms are real. Always.
3. Your last name stays put.
4. The garage is all yours.
5. Weddin' plans take care of themselves.
6. The world is your ****.
7. Car mechanics tell you the truth.
8. You don't give a rat's **** if someone notices your new haircut.
9. Hot wax never comes near your **** area.
10. Same work. More pay.
11. Wrinkles add character.
12. You don't have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments.
13. Weddin' Dress $2000: Tux rental $100
14. If you retain water, it's in a canteen.
15. People never glance at your chest when you're talkin' to them.
16. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
17. One mood, ALL the damn time.
18. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds.
19. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
20. You can open all your own jars.
21. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
22. Your underwear is $5 for a three-pack.
23. You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat.
24. Three pair of shoes are more than enough.
25. You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinkin' "He must be mad at me."
26. Christmas shoppin' can be accomplished for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in six minutes.
27 If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends.
28. You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.
29. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
30. You are unable to see wrinkles in clothes.
31. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
32. Your belly usually hides your hips.
33. One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.
34. You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife.
