Sigh...
Ok, when you go back to your parents house during the summer how do you do it? What works? What does not work?
I understand that college kids are slow to get back into curfews, allowances, chores but I am stumped as for what is real.
We have asked our darling, wonderful and very social son to be home at a certain time during the week(11:00pm) and another time on the weekends(2:00am). We need to sleep, work and know that he is in safe.
We ask that he get up in time to get himself to work at the jobs that we got for him. I have driven him this whole week!
We ask that he not spend all his money( that we give him) in one day. Everyday I am opening my wallet giving him more money. His dad don't play that.
We ask that he not come in our house BLAZED. He comes in semi-blazed...thinks I am stupid...His dad is asleep when he crawls in.
He is cool with respecting the vehicles and he does clean up after himself ...mostly.
Am I doin' way too much? You know how dad's are. They are quick to say: "Get out of MY house"... I have given him the whole downstairs for the Summer. Husband says: That level is in the mortage too...
I just wanna have a nice Summer...HELP!!!
I SO wish that this were a movie...
I would cast myself as Angela Bassett and the smooth Denzel would be the hubby...naw, unless he could get into Training Day mode I think I need to go with Lawrence Fishburne or Samuel Jackson as the hubby. The son would be a mix of TI, Usher and Fabulous...They have bravado, at least one is well dressed, intelligent, and was close with moms and the Fab. cause some girls have told me/him that he looks exactly like him. 8)
We would set this in the Bay Area still and SO many posters would be surprised because he truly is popular and he does go to your HBCU yet, you would never know that he can act like this.
If it is DH then where is my Gardner with the abs? Just joking. My gardner don't look nuthin' like hers. I do perfer my own age and would not want a hubby in jail like hers is :-( .
I have to say, usually it is cacausian posters who refuse to accept or mock that some black folks do indeed have lives that are similiar to what the white tv and white movie folks cast as lives "just for them". If I came with a College Hill or Good Times version then?
That a black woman is a "mom", wife, extreamly involved with her son, has an education, income, investments, class and is thinking and researching before she acts seems to baffle most white people on the internet and in my neighborhood.
I am still surprised that some blacks will completely digest a totally exagerated BET video but scoff at real life matters for black folks unless it involves a gun. The historical negative stereotypes of black families is what leads to the suspicions of non stereotypical black families by some.
Try and be aware of that media brainwashing and know that my story is only one amongst many who are similiar to me. They don't share because they think black people will not believe them or care about them and their black middle class problems and challanges. The vast majority of you here do care and for that I am most grateful.
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That aside...Senior Guest you made me choke with the J&J tip. Now you know I did not feel like hearin' bout "Ashley, Connor and Brandon..." That's why I drank that bottle of wine...almost all.
Inferno: I like your style. I have honestly never compared son to any other. I don't like when parents and relatives do that. Outside of his "foul" behavior at this time he is pretty cool and lots of fun. Up until this year I swear we were seriously best friends.
On the drug counseling I am treading very lightly. I am letting him interview and select the therapist that he feels most comfortable with and I have told him that I will not get a summary from his therapist because of patient confidentiality. He liked that. He still says that he is not a "knock"(?) and so on.
My apologies if I lost it above but I have black friends who seriously contemplate **** because they believe that no one would believe their children, husband and financial problems so they bottle in, front, fake and compound matters. Struck a nerve. I am probably no better, all on the HBCUCONNECTION cause I don't wanna have folks judge me and spread my business...
wow...this whole thread has been quite interesting to say the least...
my parents don't play that...fa real...we are middle class but live in a mixed class neighborhood so I can't really relate to how things work where u live because that's not how I was raised.
I'm a college freshman and my parents still don't care. Sure, they try to treat me like an adult in some ways...but it's still their house. I still have to be in at a certain time, I still have to clean my room if and when I wanna go out, I still have to help out around the house...my parents pay the mortage, the bills...I pay nothing. I eat for free, I don't even wash my clothes if I dont' want to...so for those reasons I respect them and do what they say. And because they're paying my tuition...out of THEIR POCKETS!!!!
Let him live and don'yt give him so much !!!!! Trust me he will be waking up on time and spending money wisely really soon!! I know its hard, mommy, but you gotta be strong!!!! :grin:
Thanks for the encouragement, advice and support. Like the vast majority of HBCUCONNECT folks...it's all good.
It has been three days. I know this is the third but already things are going SO much better than before. AMEN!!!
I think it is harder on me than him. Today he goes to his counseling and actually two of his really close friends are going to go with him. :grin:
No, I did not set this up. We were all out for pizza last night, at our First Annual Welcome Home for Summer Party and the whole weed thing came up in conversation.
Oh, I mentioned the above party in another post but what that is is that a bunch of us HBCU Freshman moms...I mean soon to be Sophomore moms got together with our kids who are home and we all went out to celebrate the kids completing their first year of college. Any excuse for a party!
Back to the weed thing, I got a budget mtg. in 15 minutes and folks keep interrupting me...they nosey too! Trying to see what I am typin'...
Ok, on the weed thing...all the HBCU kids were talking about how "everybody" smokes in college and how easy it is to get and blah, blah...they was comparing Cali. weed to DC weed, to the weed in the South and so on.
I was really listenin' for info. you know. Anyway, some moms were trying their best to curb the conversation and talk about grades and fall classes(???) and anything but the deal. I kept cuttin them off and askin' the kids questions. They are real candid with me. They mom was all: well why didn't you tell me that their was SO much weed at blah blah HBCU? LAUGH, the kid would say: and the point would be? LAUGH, any way, some parents were not thrilled and some of us appreciated the honest conversation.
Fast forward: Son told his inner-inner circle what I was "makin" him do. He got SO blasted, in love, by his inner-inner circle of true friends. They all been friends since birth. One sweetie, who I just love, told son: You been on that cronic for too long. I am glad your mom stood up to you. Another did the "yeah man...that ain't no joke. My moms would have made me go a long time ago..." Both said that they would go with him. Of course the girl whispered to me that she would make SURE he goes! I love her so much.
I breathed a huge sigh of relief, thanked God and opened my ears to the idle chit-chat of the moms...summer vacations, new cars for the kids, who was gettin' divorced, american idol, what schools their younger children got into, apartments for the fall for our Sophomores, curfews, diets, exercise, trainers, tuitions, summer camps, the up coming social events, my taking the kids to The Anger Management Concert, Memorial Day, blah, blah and blah...
As stated in my initial post: "It's going to be a long hot Summer
Ok, back to work for me.
.... idle chit-chat of the moms...summer vacations, new cars for the kids, who was gettin' divorced, american idol, what schools their younger children got into, apartments for the fall for our Sophomores, curfews, diets, exercise, trainers, tuitions, summer camps, the up coming social events, my taking the kids to The Anger Management Concert, Memorial Day, blah, blah and blah...
Happy Memorial Day Weekend to everybody!
It's Friday and I have to say so far so good.
We did let him go to the Snoop Dogg, The Game and Yin Yang Twins the other night
He did not pressure us. He and his friends were quite strategic about it. They all promised to fill up the "Navi" and to detail it over the weekend. The catch was...could they drive it to San Jose where the concert was
Have a fun, blessed and safe holiday weekend!
Happy Memorial Day Weekend to everybody!
It's Friday and I have to say so far so good.
We did let him go to the Snoop Dogg, The Game and Yin Yang Twins the other night
He did not pressure us. He and his friends were quite strategic about it. They all promised to fill up the "Navi" and to detail it over the weekend. The catch was...could they drive it to San Jose where the concert was
Have a fun, blessed and safe holiday weekend!
I Know...
My mom wasn't nearly as nice as you. :grin:
She had called and asked to speak to her "bad **** grandson."
I said "oh mom, (pause) he is um, at the concert."
She said "WHAT?" "Did you say the concert?" She did not give me a chance to respond before she said: " Don't call me cryin' about that boy no-mo. Do you hear me? (Pauses to puff her winston cigarette)
Parents all afraid to parent. I can't believe you just told me some ignant' "crap" bout you and my son in law lettin' that lil "fock"er go to some concert." (Pause, cause she still smokin)
"Did you say SNOOP DWAG???? Oh Lawd. Now THATS the move you make the evening after your first session with the Weed Counselor." Im mo hang up this phone fo I cuss you out."
CLICK!!!
It's been a few days. I'll call my mom tonight... :???:
{What does smh mean?}
It has been three days. I know this is the third but already things are going SO much better than before. AMEN!!!
I think it is harder on me than him. Today he goes to his counseling and actually two of his really close friends are going to go with him. :grin:
No, I did not set this up. We were all out for pizza last night, at our First Annual Welcome Home for Summer Party and the whole weed thing came up in conversation.
Oh, I mentioned the above party in another post but what that is is that a bunch of us HBCU Freshman moms...I mean soon to be Sophomore moms got together with our kids who are home and we all went out to celebrate the kids completing their first year of college. Any excuse for a party!
Back to the weed thing, I got a budget mtg. in 15 minutes and folks keep interrupting me...they nosey too! Trying to see what I am typin'...
Ok, on the weed thing...all the HBCU kids were talking about how "everybody" smokes in college and how easy it is to get and blah, blah...they was comparing Cali. weed to DC weed, to the weed in the South and so on.
I was really listenin' for info. you know. Anyway, some moms were trying their best to curb the conversation and talk about grades and fall classes(???) and anything but the deal. I kept cuttin them off and askin' the kids questions. They are real candid with me. They mom was all: well why didn't you tell me that their was SO much weed at blah blah HBCU? LAUGH, the kid would say: and the point would be? LAUGH, any way, some parents were not thrilled and some of us appreciated the honest conversation.
Fast forward: Son told his inner-inner circle what I was "makin" him do. He got SO blasted, in love, by his inner-inner circle of true friends. They all been friends since birth. One sweetie, who I just love, told son: You been on that cronic for too long. I am glad your mom stood up to you. Another did the "yeah man...that ain't no joke. My moms would have made me go a long time ago..." Both said that they would go with him. Of course the girl whispered to me that she would make SURE he goes! I love her so much.
I breathed a huge sigh of relief, thanked God and opened my ears to the idle chit-chat of the moms...summer vacations, new cars for the kids, who was gettin' divorced, american idol, what schools their younger children got into, apartments for the fall for our Sophomores, curfews, diets, exercise, trainers, tuitions, summer camps, the up coming social events, my taking the kids to The Anger Management Concert, Memorial Day, blah, blah and blah...
As stated in my initial post: "It's going to be a long hot Summer
Ok, back to work for me.
He did not pressure us. He and his friends were quite strategic about it. They all promised to fill up the "Navi" and to detail it over the weekend. The catch was...could they drive it to San Jose where the concert was 
Have a fun, blessed and safe holiday weekend!
