An atheist was walking through the woods. "What majestic trees"! "What powerful rivers"! "What beautiful animals"! He said to himself.As he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. He turned to look. He saw a 7-foot grizzly charge towards him. He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder & saw that the bear was closing in on him. He looked over his shoulder again & the bear was even closer. He tripped & fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up but saw that the bear was right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw & raising his right paw to strike him. At that instant the Atheist cried out, "Oh my God!" Time Stopped.The bear froze.The forest was silent.As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky. "You deny my existence for all these years, teach others I don't exist and even credit creation to cosmic accident." "Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer"? The atheist looked directly into the light, "It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask You to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps You could make the BEAR a Christian"? "Very Well," said the voice. The light went out. The sounds of the forest resumed. And the bear dropped his right paw, brought both paws together, bowed his head & spoke: "Lord bless this food, which I am about to receive from thy bounty through Christ our Lord, Amen."
I'd like to make a friendly amendment to the thread... If you laugh at a joke, you have to post one yourself.Let's keep the laughter going! Don't worry Evy, it isn't retroactive. lol ...unless you have one for us.
A 35 year old woman had a heart attack and was in the hospital, while she was unconscious she had a conversation with God. She asked him if it was her time to go...God said "No, my dear you have 60 more years to live."
After the woman got out of the hospital she decided that since she had so many more years to live she should get **** implants, plastic surgery, a nose job, and liposuction...
when she finally walked out of the doctor's office, she was hit by a car.. she got to Heaven and said, "God, you told me I had 60 more years to live?!"
God said, "Girl, I didnt recognize you"
A 35 year old woman had a heart attack and was in the hospital, while she was unconscious she had a conversation with God. She asked him if it was her time to go...God said "No, my dear you have 60 more years to live."
After the woman got out of the hospital she decided that since she had so many more years to live she should get **** implants, plastic surgery, a nose job, and liposuction...
when she finally walked out of the doctor's office, she was hit by a car.. she got to Heaven and said, "God, you told me I had 60 more years to live?!"
God said, "Girl, I didnt recognize you"
That was hilarious. I'm keeping this.
Why did Tigger look in the Toilet?
He was looking for pooh.
i have a joke i heard back in gradeschool and just thought it was the funniest thing ever.
so this guy goes to the doctor cuz he's been feeling sick. the doctor examines him and finds out whats wrong.
"dont be worried. i've found out whats wrong. all you have to do is take these pills but the only way i can give them to u is anally"
the man was a little apprehensive but was like whatever. so long as he'd feel better thats all that matter. the doctor gave the man the pill and gave him another one. he instructed him to have his wife give him the second pill a little later in the day. so the man went home and somtime later he asked his wife to give him the pill.
"I need you to give me this pill but the only way is to insert it anally." The wife was a lil apprehensive but it was for her husbands health so she did. she put one hand on his shoulder and with the other began to give him the pill until the man went "OOo" she immediately stopped and asked
"What?! Did I hurt you????" and the man replied
"No, its just that when the doctor did it he had both hands on my shoulders."
*DO NOT JUDGE ME! lol!*
