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Question for the HBCU Fellas Posted on 07-14-2008
LadieK

Since this is for the HBCU Fellas, I have a question. Why is that when a guy has a "good" WOMAN by their side, why do males treat her like she doesn't mean anything to him, but as soon as she is about to leave, males seem to have EVERYTHING to prove, to make her stay?
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C Nels replied on 07-22-2008 01:30PM [Reply]
Some men truly don't know what they've got until it's gone. They have everything to prove when you try to leave because they realize that they haven't been putting in their 100% into the relationship. With you realizing that you are continually putting in and maintaining your 100% and barely get 30% back, you get fed up and move on. Now he's ready to up his share. That's why you encounter this situation.
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xosugababeox@yahoo.com replied on 07-22-2008 01:37PM [Reply]
i think they expect you always going to be there for them, sometimes they still growing up, sometimes they want the relationship simply so they could have somebody in there life not because they in love they just that friendship with a few benefits . BUT HEY IM A GIRL I CANT SPEAK FOR YA"LL THATS JUST MY OPINION
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replied on 07-22-2008 01:41PM [Reply]
C_Nels wrote:
Some men truly don't know what they've got until it's gone. They have everything to prove when you try to leave because they realize that they haven't been putting in their 100% into the relationship. With you realizing that you are continually putting in and maintaining your 100% and barely get 30% back, you get fed up and move on. Now he's ready to up his share. That's why you encounter this situation.
I'm going through that situation. I want to leave b/c I feel as if i deserve better. I just want to be happy. When I do go back, its the same thing over and over. I don't want to change him, not all, I just want some of the things that occur to change.
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xosugababeox@yahoo.com replied on 07-22-2008 01:46PM [Reply]
you should talk to him and tell him what you need out of the relationship and do what it takes to make you happy if not being with him makes you smile then try being friends for while and see where it takes you
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replied on 07-22-2008 01:51PM [Reply]
xosugababeox@yahoo.com wrote:
you should talk to him and tell him what you need out of the relationship and do what it takes to make you happy if not being with him makes you smile then try being friends for while and see where it takes you
We are friends right now and we still argue about stupid things and he still lives the life he wants to live. He lives a lifestyle that I don't want to live. But the more we are being pushed away, the more I find myself and my happiness. Thank you for the advice. Even when I did tell what I needed in the past relationship with him, he felt as if it was all about me, me, me.
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C Nels replied on 07-22-2008 01:51PM [Reply]
LadieK wrote:
I'm going through that situation. I want to leave b/c I feel as if i deserve better. I just want to be happy. When I do go back, its the same thing over and over. I don't want to change him, not all, I just want some of the things that occur to change.
It's funny you said that because I had a longer response but shortened it to what I have above. But what I was going to say was....Now he's ready to up his share to 50%-80% so that you'll stick around and make you believe that he's changed and willing to put forth more effort. The sad thing about it is that you'll only get 50-80% from him because he already has the mindframe of "I just need to do THIS and she'll stay with me!" You'll never get the 100% you deserve from him. You just have to ask yourself how much more are you willing to take. I can see that reciprocity is key with you and it should be. You do deserve better!
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xosugababeox@yahoo.com replied on 07-22-2008 01:56PM [Reply]
well fact is he lives for himself and what ever he's doing he's finding some type of happiness but if he cares about you the minute he see you smiling without him,he'll be back and he'll know he needs to change. what you need to do his let him know your serious because everytime you come back to a man it confirms his beliefs that he will always have you.
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replied on 07-22-2008 02:02PM [Reply]
C_Nels wrote:
It's funny you said that because I had a longer response but shortened it to what I have above. But what I was going to say was....Now he's ready to up his share to 50%-80% so that you'll stick around and make you believe that he's changed and willing to put forth more effort. The sad thing about it is that you'll only get 50-80% from him because he already has the mindframe of "I just need to do THIS and she'll stay with me!" You'll never get the 100% you deserve from him. You just have to ask yourself how much more are you willing to take. I can see that reciprocity is key with you and it should be. You do deserve better!
The funny thing about it is, when I do try and leave, he believes its another guy involved and when I say it isn't, he thinks I'm lying. I tell him I'm leaving and going about my business b/c I deserve better and he tells me that he deserves better. It just makes me even madder b/c I'm like, I'm doing so much for you and I don't ask for anything in return. NOTHING. I do all the taking out, paying the bills and other stuff.
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replied on 07-22-2008 02:05PM [Reply]
I told him he is going to have me so messed emotionally and mentally, that the next guy who wants to treat me right and love me the correct way, is going to be in for it deep b/c I don't trust males anymore or want to experience love anymore. It brings nothing but pain.
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