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In the wrong family Posted on 07-27-2008

Orca51
Chesapeake, VA
wow that was alot to read...lol no it wasn't well i could relate to most of the things you said except in my family all my cousins rely on me they think i'm the chosen child so all the pressure was/is on me to succeed in highschool and in college so stressful sometimes....for instance in my family this year i had a bad year because my mom lost her job and everything in life was crappy...and my family found out that my gpa had dropped from a 3.4 to a 3.1......and they said some of the most insulting things...which really and i mean really upset me...because the 2 cousins below me have gpa's that are barely 1.0s.....but anyways Your not always going to like who you are related to (which is another reason i want to go out of state for college) but they are your family whether or not they like you or if you don't like them...in my opinion just do you...stay true to yourself even though it may seem like its 1 against 20 or how many people are in your family...im the "odd ball" of my family...but just stay strong plus when you become rich...they will come around..then you can kick them to the curb....just kiddin
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xosugababeox@yahoo.com replied on 07-28-2008 09:31AM [Reply]
Girl i feel you entirely i sometimes face this same drama. But, it push me to know what i want out of life and fight for it. Although family is suppose to be supportive, you have to understand they probably grew up with a mentality of being different and stepping outside of their comfort zone would make them feel as you do. You are obvisouly very smart, but if your family is good at sports then thats their comfort zone, to pursue a dream while knowing your family won't support you is hard. Your job is to teach the younger members of your family to follow in their own footsteps.Your a born leader and you need to show them that your education means alot to you. So they could support you or 10 years from now your uncle will be googling your name. He could get mad again but no matter what you success will give them a sense of pride.
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replied on 07-28-2008 12:13PM [Reply]
I say stick firm to what you feel is right-in the end you have to live with the decisions you make. You cant live life for the approval of others. I totally feel that just because people are kin does not mean that they cant be wrong or that they have your best interest in mind. You will be a stronger person for it in the end. Remain observant but not judgemental. I dont know if you watched the CNN special "Black in America"-it opened my eyes to another perspective of why WE do things to ourselves and our families
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Orca51 from Indianapolis, IN replied on 07-28-2008 01:42PM [Reply]
monique09 wrote:
wow that was alot to read...lol no it wasn't well i could relate to most of the things you said except in my family all my cousins rely on me they think i'm the chosen child so all the pressure was/is on me to succeed in highschool and in college so stressful sometimes....for instance in my family this year i had a bad year because my mom lost her job and everything in life was crappy...and my family found out that my gpa had dropped from a 3.4 to a 3.1......and they said some of the most insulting things...which really and i mean really upset me...because the 2 cousins below me have gpa's that are barely 1.0s.....but anyways Your not always going to like who you are related to (which is another reason i want to go out of state for college) but they are your family whether or not they like you or if you don't like them...in my opinion just do you...stay true to yourself even though it may seem like its 1 against 20 or how many people are in your family...im the "odd ball" of my family...but just stay strong plus when you become rich...they will come around..then you can kick them to the curb....just kiddin
Thanks for the advice. I just don't know if I can deal with it anymore. Lately, I've spent more of my time crying than smiling or laughing. Whenever someone sees me crying, I try to go somewhere where I can be alone. It's impossible. I lock the bathroom door and they want to get in to see why I'm in there for so long. Or I'll sit in my closet with my ipod, and they'll come in there basically just to tell me I'm selfish or something. I'm just so sad lately. They keep going on and on about how this isn't MY life until I'm 21. HowI can't pick MY college because it's their choice. Or how I can't buy a $2,000 car when I'm 18 to get around even if I have the money for the car, gas and insurance. I need the car because if I don't have one it's harder for me to work because i go to a private school(that i got a full ride scholarship to which is the only reason I was allowed to go, and they still say it was a bad idea because I'm not white) and the school doesn't have bus transportation. I depend on friends for rides to work in the winter because they are nice enough to not want me walking in the snow, or if it isn't too bad I walk. I feel though that if they really don't let me leave for college I'll never get away. Can they really stop me from going out of state for college? Can they even stop me from moving out at 18 even though I'll still be in high school?
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Orca51 from Indianapolis, IN replied on 07-28-2008 01:48PM [Reply]
xosugababeox@yahoo.com wrote:
Girl i feel you entirely i sometimes face this same drama. But, it push me to know what i want out of life and fight for it. Although family is suppose to be supportive, you have to understand they probably grew up with a mentality of being different and stepping outside of their comfort zone would make them feel as you do. You are obvisouly very smart, but if your family is good at sports then thats their comfort zone, to pursue a dream while knowing your family won't support you is hard. Your job is to teach the younger members of your family to follow in their own footsteps.Your a born leader and you need to show them that your education means alot to you. So they could support you or 10 years from now your uncle will be googling your name. He could get mad again but no matter what you success will give them a sense of pride.
Thanks for the advice. I feel that the only contact I want my family to be able to have with me 10 years from now is google. I don't want to hang around any of them. I want to move out soon. Do you think it would be really hard to survive w/ a roommate at 18, while working 30 hours a week and taking an easy high school course load? I don't need to take really hard classes because I could actually graduate after this year, which is my junior year. The only reason I'm even sticking around for the last year is because of the things I don't want to miss about senior year.
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Orca51 from Indianapolis, IN replied on 07-28-2008 02:00PM [Reply]
konvinceme wrote:
I say stick firm to what you feel is right-in the end you have to live with the decisions you make. You cant live life for the approval of others. I totally feel that just because people are kin does not mean that they cant be wrong or that they have your best interest in mind. You will be a stronger person for it in the end. Remain observant but not judgemental. I dont know if you watched the CNN special "Black in America"-it opened my eyes to another perspective of why WE do things to ourselves and our families
Well I saw the womens part of "black in america" but I wasn't home the night the mens part came on. It was interesting, but I didn't even get to see all of it because my mother kept flipping to see if there was anything better on because "she doesn't like shows like that." I really don't feel like the majority of my family has my best interest in mind. I feel like some of them try too, but they just don't know what is in my best interest because none of them have done anything past high school. So they all have this notion that sports is the best way to get into college, and even when I explain that alot of the top schools don't even give out sports scholarships they just ignore me. When I mention the small percent of people who actually get sports scholarships they still act like that is the best way,and I have no chance getting a scholarship through academics. My cousins want to go to state colleges where they probably will get great sports scholarships, but I'm only applying to one state college, and every other college is private out of state.I think I might just move out after my junior year. I can't deal with them anymore. Plus I'll be 18 my entire senior year because my birthday is in August.
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xosugababeox@yahoo.com replied on 07-28-2008 02:10PM [Reply]
the choices you make in life could make you or break you. what ever you do have a plan and a back-up plan. always make sure you could fall back on something. and no matter what problems your family goes through leave on good terms because you never know who you might end up needing. you might think you may never need them but god puts people in your life for a reason. so just forgive them and dont change for anyone.
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going_places_504 from new roads, LA replied on 07-28-2008 02:28PM [Reply]

^^i Co Sign^^you Are Absolutely Right^^
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Orca51 from Indianapolis, IN replied on 07-28-2008 11:55PM [Reply]
Thanks guys for all the support. I know I can handle moving out, paying bills etc, but like one of you said I have to make sure I leave on good terms. I really wouldn't know how to do that. How do you explain to your family that for your own sanity and happiness you need to leave as soon as you turn 18...even though you have one more year of high school left? I can't figure out a way to make that seem positive.
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Orca51 from Indianapolis, IN replied on 07-29-2008 12:08AM [Reply]
That's actually a really good idea. I think most of my family would believe me. I don't know what my mom would think though. I know she'd need to fill out my fafsa forms for college the following year and she probably wouldn't want to. But if I guess if I'm old enough to move out I'm old enough to deal w/ the consequences of how that may make my mother feel. I wonder if she was mad enough could she unenroll me from my private shool. I got a full-ride scholarship, but does she still have the power to unenroll me at 18 and force me to go to the public school even though financially she gives nothing to the school?
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