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A new guy...and his ex (another dilemma for me >:(... ) Posted on 09-20-2004

Okay.... I met this guy at my job about a month ago (good ol' Old Navy). He is 23, going on 24 in December, and besides the fact that he is a little older (I'll be 21 next month), we have a lot in common. He is in Real Estate school trying to get his license and he has all these goals he wants to accomplish. In other words, he is very motivated and knows what he wants out of life. We have been getting to know each other and we hang out a lot. He has told me "Even though we haven't known each other for very long, I wanted to tell you that you are one of the few people I enjoy spending time with ---and I can't say that for too many people --- and you're very special to me and mean a lot to me". Now all this would be cool if.......his ex still wasn't trying to get him back. Now.... From what he tells me, they have been broken up for six months and were together for almost 3 years. They speak regularly and she still wants to be with him. They know each other's famililes pretty well. It's one of those "when he aint around she'll go over to his house and chill, call his mama up just to talk...." things. Me and my ex were like that, too to an extent....but anyways he thought about just giving it a shot once again because she keeps asking him about it, but he said that he knows that the whole dynamic of our relationship would change (duh!) and he doesn't want that. I'm kinda thinking that he doesn't know if he wants to be with her or in a relationship in general. Usually, I am an impatient person, but this time I am just trying to play it cool and take it one day at a time because worrying over whether or not this 'perfect' guy s going to get back with her ain't helping me at all. I don't exactly know where his head is right now, but just a few days ago he said, "Nikia, I really appreciate you and you are the only person who is not adding on the the stress in my life", assumming that his ex is adding onto it. So.... If you all were in my situation what would you do? I mean, telling him I like him would be stating the obvious. He has expressed feelings for me, too. I'm just wondering where this situation is going to lead. If they got back together it would hurt, and plus I gotta work with the boy!!! Should I just come out and say, "Hey, I wanna start something new with you"?, or should I just be all understanding and listen to his situation with him and his ex, knowing I don't too much care for it? I told him my philosophy on exes: "An ex is an EX for a reason" and "If you sail your ship backwards, you'll never see the sunrise", a quote I heard, meaning that if you keep going back to the past, you'll miss out on something great in the future ( live by that quote). This man could be something special and I know he has been put in my life for a reason. It's been a loooooooooooooooooooooong time since I have had this much fun and this much in commom with someone and I don't want him to get away.... :cry:
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Princess LaRonda replied on 09-20-2004 01:01PM [Reply]
work relationships is a no no no no no no....I had a post on that and EVERRRRRRRYBODY was like yeah i would....its cool or WHATEVER but really its not....see like you said if he got back with her you'd be hurt in a way...then you gotta see him everyday at work...that's compromising a comfortable work zone either way... Yeah the obvious is known, he likes you, you like him. I suggest that you do let him know your feelings and that you would like to start something new...that way he clearly knows you want more than just "chillin" and you don't want him back with the ex...... right now he probably doesn't know where his head is exactly and he probably feels a little forced to get back into a relationship with ol girl because of the comfort he shared with her for three years....EVERYBODY wants that comfort zone....nobody wants to leave it... LET HIM KNOW YOU WANNA START SOMETHING NEW...but ALSO let him know that you should take it slow because OBVIOUSLY he needs time to let THOSE pictures fade....
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Kinkee replied on 09-20-2004 03:42PM [Reply]
I feel what ^^^said too. But basically this nucca is on the rebound and he is trying to explore his options. I think that you should tell him how you feel and just remain friends. It is okay to be friends and the fact that yall work together would cause problems. I wouldn't want you to fall for this nucca and he goes back to his ex. Just take things slowly and see how it goes. Good luck.
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