Aight i have a MAJOR dilemma. I'm currently in a long-distance relationship (40 minutes away) with someone i've known almost 3 years. We started talking as more-than-friends in October and became official in February. We've been using the L word for about 2 months now. I really care about this guy, and i know he really cares about me. He's a God-fearing, mature, respectful, trustworthy, hardworking,sweet, chocolate young man with a great sense of humor. In all actuality, i think the distance between us has helped us become good friends and strengthened our relationship since we don't have the physical thang to deal wit on a daily basis. But I have some fears.
Since I'm going away to college(compare 50 miles to 1000miles), there will be a considerable distance between us, and i'm afraid I have a wandering eye. I don't touch, but i DO look. I'll find myself flirting with my eyes, and when guys try to spit, although i tell em all i got a man and never take their number, i still wonder, u kno? And I've been down South a couple times and there are gorgeous men EVERYWHERE!!!!! When i went to FAMU, fine men EVERYWHERE, and i assume the same will be at JSU. I ain't Beyonce or nobody, but i think i'm a decent lookin person wit a decent personality.....and KNOW i got game and pullin potential.
Its like, i know i have this wonderful guy, but i'm still curious about others.
We talked about it before, since he's applying for an internship in New YorkCity, and if accepted he'll be there for a couple years starting next year. and i KNOW its gon be gorgeous women there and HE'LL be tempted, and cuz HE got game and pullin potential. He got me, right? But he told me,
"If you try to look at everything, you'll walk away with nothing."
I don't wanna lose him for looking at others, BUT I'M YOUNG AND CURIOUS!
advice?
Hey gurL the only thing I can say is "Follow your Heart" .... :-) ... whO knows you may meet someone who is more compatable with you in college... if I was you I wouldnt necessarily end my relationship but I would keep it on the "friendship" level...
Well I don't really know if you want my advice, seeing as we're the same age and everything. But i do feel i'm a wise person so I'll tell u what i think and u can decide if it's valid or not. I look at it like this, you know when you go down to college you want to have fun and explore. And you're going to be living there for about 6-7 months with all these temptations around you. Therefore, the only reason i can see for you not enjoying yourself and exploring as much as you want to is if you know for sure that you have something absolutely concrete at home. If you don't think what you have is concrete or you have serious doubts about if you two will last, then you shouldn't really pass up your chance to meet a really great guy down at your college just because you have a relationship back home that you're not sure about anyway. So i think the best thing for you to do is really just evaluate, by yourself, and with your boyfriend where you guys really wanna go with this relationship, maybe even have a sort of open relationship where you guys can explore your options while you're away.
Neway, that's my 10 cents. Hope i helped in some way :???:
Hey gurL the only thing I can say is "Follow your Heart" .... :-) ... whO knows you may meet someone who is more compatable with you in college... if I was you I wouldnt necessarily end my relationship but I would keep it on the "friendship" level...
if I was you I wouldnt necessarily end my relationship but I would keep it on the "friendship" level...
we are past the "friendship" level, hence my dilemma. I'm afraid of hurting this boy.
TheWire wrote:
. Therefore, the only reason i can see for you not enjoying yourself and exploring as much as you want to is if you know for sure that you have something absolutely concrete at home.
That's my whole thing. I don't doubt him at all. He doesn't doubt HIMSELF at all, he's like "you're IT for me." N we talked about it, i was like, "I don't wanna hinder you from talking to other girls just cuz u feel attatched to someone so far away. " but he was like, "If i thought you'd hinder me, u think i'da let myself get in this deep when i can't even see you that often?"
I just feel that, although i am in love with him (as opposed to just "loving" him, cuz there is a different), i shouldn't have told him because i'm going away and not quite as sure as he is. i don't want to play him, but we already committed so i'm stuck
hmm that is a dilema. you gotta make a decision. i'm not sure i want to tell you to leave him or to stay. what i will say is that if you stay with him and go down south getting mixed up with other dudes, you will hurt him more than if you just break up with him for the moment. if he's really into you, and if you are really honest with him, he should understand. i just really hope you tell him what's the deal before you both get hurt, you know?
hmm that is a dilema. you gotta make a decision. i'm not sure i want to tell you to leave him or to stay. what i will say is that if you stay with him and go down south getting mixed up with other dudes, you will hurt him more than if you just break up with him for the moment. if he's really into you, and if you are really honest with him, he should understand. i just really hope you tell him what's the deal before you both get hurt, you know?
Cosigns. I just don't think you want to keep your man in the loop while you're trying to figure all this out and you already told him that you're having doubts.
I say break it off. I dont wanna seem like the bearer of bad news, but Ive known soooo many people to go to college their freshmen year, and left a girl, n*gga back at home, and they figured they would make it work cause they were in love, and blah blah blah blah BLAH...lol...well they did for a lil while...and then the distance and not seeing each other just took a toll on the relationship so they eventually broke it off. When they did break it off they were so much happier and they had so many options in pickin and choosin who they might wanna talk too....Im tellin you, you only hindering yourself cause there will be so many people u meet in college from all over and you gonna wanna hook up with that you feelin or whatever. That wandering eye of yours is gonna do more than just wander. GRANTED, there are a few people who can honestly take the pressure of being in a long distance relationship, and are still happy with being in that relationship, while still maintaing to not be tempted by other guys/girls, etc....but I definitely would NOT suggest it, cause like I said, its not gonna be an easy thing to do, and after awhile it will take its toll....
Im just very much so against long distance relationships for incoming freshmen cause you gonna be locked down to a person you may only see once every few months or whatever...while all ur friends are talking to/datin at school and u gotta be bored just missin ur boo cause he not there and u wish you had someone to chill with like that.
So I say break it off. Give yourself a chance to grow, experience college life with NO ATTACHMENTS...it will be much easier and less stressful on yourself. And the way I see it, if you and your man are really supposed to be together then yall will be together one day in life when your paths cross again. In the meantime, just worry about DOING YOU...have fun, meet guys, and DO NOT go to college in a relationship.
It all depends on the people invlolved. I have been with my b/f for 3 and half years on and off.a(1 1/2 continiously). When he first left ofr college 2 years ago, we broke it off but eventually got back together 3 months later b/c something was missing from our lives and have been together since. Now the question comes up about this fall when i goto school, b/c he knows i am a big flirt and i sometimes give in easily. And since also knows how boys can be.
So basically it depends on the people. No one can tell you really what to do. Asking on the forumwill get you stay together, break up, follow ur heart. It all up to you b/c you have to deal with the decision you make. Try and see if you can handle it or break it off in the begining and if its mean to be then you will eventually get back together.
