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How Much Parental Advice? Posted on 05-20-2005
College Mom

I am venturing down the path of "Greekdom" with my college son. I have a few questions for you: 1) How much influence did either of your parents have on your decision once you were clearly approached? 2) Did you share everything with your parents? 3) If your dad was in one frat and your stepdad was in a different frat what would you do? Son is tight with both dads. (Girls...what if your mom/stepmom were in different sororities?) I am honored to be close with my son but come fall '05 when he starts his sophomore year and at his school he can do this. Some frats have already approached him. I though you had to be a Junior at least huh? I want to define my role a little bit better. Know my bounds and be correct on my info. (I have many friends in every frat/soro) I am supportive of him becoming a member of a black fraternity. He is leaning on me for loads of advice because he does not want to offend or mislead either dad...he's cool like that. Thanks for your thoughts!
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laidbackfella from Orangeburg, SC replied on 05-20-2005 10:50PM [Reply]

College Mom wrote:
1) How much influence did either of your parents have on your decision once you were clearly approached?
None, neither of my parents were Greek.
College Mom wrote:
2) Did you share everything with your parents?
Nope, they had no basis to relate.
College Mom wrote:
3) If your dad was in one frat and your stepdad was in a different frat what would you do? Son is tight with both dads. (Girls...what if your mom/stepmom were in different sororities?)
I think I'd still do what I desired.
College Mom wrote:
I am honored to be close with my son but come fall '05 when he starts his sophomore year and at his school he can do this. Some frats have already approached him. I though you had to be a Junior at least huh?
Most GLO's simply require 30 hours and a certain GPA. Individual chapter requirements will meet or supercede those of the national body.
College Mom wrote:
I want to define my role a little bit better. Know my bounds and be correct on my info. (I have many friends in every frat/soro) I am supportive of him becoming a member of a black fraternity. He is leaning on me for loads of advice because he does not want to offend or mislead either dad...he's cool like that. Thanks for your thoughts!
Your role is mom. If you aren't Greek there isn't any advice you can give him. All you can do is reinforce whatever home training you've instilled in him from home and love him unconditionally.
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Shaundra404 replied on 05-20-2005 11:18PM [Reply]
well said laidbackfella, you need to be a talk show host or a counselor or something. :grin:
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AKAtude from brooklyn, NY replied on 05-21-2005 12:40AM [Reply]
i dont mean to sound like a puppet but i totally agree with everything that laidback said. I am also the only greek in my family and i know and understand that there are certian things that non-greek parents would not understand. I do also believe that your son has to venture out and see which BGLO (black greek lettered org) fits his particular character not that of his father/step father's. Secondly, if your son does finally become greek please understand that there are certian things that you as a mother/non-greek/non faternal member would be able to know about. but you HAVE to trust him...this is when those family values that you taught come to play...just know in your heart that he will do the right thing. I know for one, one of my biggest problems is that my mother dosent understand greek life. I know that she wants me to be able to explain certian customs or rituals that we do and although as her daughter i would love to tell her but i know and understand that as a SOROR i CAN NOT! As laidback stated earlier...most BGLO's require you to be at least at sophmore standing to become eligable for membership. As for your last statement about your son leaning on you for advice...the best that you can do is let your son have conversations with some of your friends that are in these orgs (and not his fathers) so that this way he can gain further info that hopefully will not be bias. but PLEASE if nothing else that i said matters or makes sense to you just TRUST your son and be understanding because this is a LIFELONG comitment. HOPE I HELPED! (excuse any spelling errors i made...im in a bit of a rush!)
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replied on 05-21-2005 06:10PM [Reply]
Extreamly helpful...every response. Thank you!!! I can be a bit involved and I am getting all kinds of signals, clues and hints to "let go..." Of course I excluded the Greek journey. My bad. I also reached out because I do sleep with a greek(my husband) and of course he would like for our son to be what he is. On the other hand our son's dad is VERY greek, even helps cross folks and stuff, and I think it would "****" him if his son did not pledge his frat. Son thinks so too. Again, you have to be approached and ironically my husbands frat is very interested in our son. Our son is also considering another entirely different frat from his dad's and step-dad's. He actually brought an invitation for a party that the frat was giving and left it at his dads house. His dad told him to remove that blank right away We laughed, but as his dad said: "ain't a damn thing funny about son doing that crap..." Thanks again!
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replied on 05-22-2005 02:25PM [Reply]
Glad to see another mom looking for information. My son is also considering this journey. His father and I are both greek but pledging has changed over the years and I'm not sure if what we experienced back the still stands.He should not share everything with you . You don't want to know everything, you can't call up the DP when you hear they made your Baby do this or that. If it were up to me, my son would probably paper as they call it. We didn't have that option. As long as he does not end up in the hospital, court or doing something againest his morals, I'm ok. If the hospital calls, all hell will break loose. I have advised him Not to claim legacy. I don't know if that's right and I have not seen any opinions here on that subject, His father is not fanatical about it and would support whatever he chooses. I keep looking for some "requirements" he has asked us about pertaining to one org. above and beyond the ones posted earlier. I can not ask here and it is not on the web site so it may be unique to his campus, IF it is true. Good luck to you and they have given you some good basic advice.
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replied on 05-22-2005 05:05PM [Reply]
Thanks other mom! I have learned SO much from lurking on these boards for months. This site is invaluable. Their is so much stigma at his HBCU about "paper pledges"...leaves the kids confused. As I posted earlier, my husband would be "ok" with whatever he does with the exception of one frat for sure. My son's dad is the passionate one about his frat/his son. Being Greek and being a mom you probably know that this journey is in some circles a VERY important milestone for our children to take. I do have some gut feelings but have tried to be diplomatic with our son. I did say to him to consider if he really wanted to be in a frat that was constantly on probation or repeatedly suspended. Hazing, as you mentioned scares me. Our son told of seeing new members of a certain frat presented this Spring with carelessly shaven bald heads and visible cuts and large welts and bruises. This is a HUGE frat at his college and they have let him know that they are interested in them. I know I would not want him in this frat. My hubby's frat is know as the "brainy" frat on his campus. They are very large in numbers and the kids I have met are truly nice, smart and well mannered. Son does not see himself in "button-downs" every day. His dad's frat, on his campus, is possibly the least popular and small in numbers. Ironically, they do the most for the campus. They are real popular here in California though. Another frat that is also interested in him is pretty big on his campus yet, his dad would die if he pledged them. How are they suppose to study with all this going on? I ask this in jest. I do think GLBO's are an important part of college/life. I could not make a decision for myself and I did not want to get hit. Those are the reasons why I am not greek. Back in our day you were guaranteed a good swatting. I wasn't havin' that. Keep researching and listening to the HBCUCONNECT "kids".
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laidbackfella from Orangeburg, SC replied on 05-22-2005 07:04PM [Reply]

Senior Guest and College Mom if you'd like to talk privately either of you can hit me in PM or use any of the Instant Messengers listed for me below.
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AKAtude from brooklyn, NY replied on 05-22-2005 08:18PM [Reply]
^awww what a sweet heart!
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Blutifully Human from Washington, DC replied on 05-22-2005 10:09PM [Reply]

kenyaeyez wrote:
^awww what a sweet heart!
...don't let him fool ya :lol:
College Mom wrote:
I am venturing down the path of "Greekdom" with my college son. I have a few questions for you: 1) How much influence did either of your parents have on your decision once you were clearly approached? Zero. 2) Did you share everything with your parents? I didn't share a THING with my mother. Love her dearly tho :grin: 3) If your dad was in one frat and your stepdad was in a different frat what would you do? Son is tight with both dads. (Girls...what if your mom/stepmom were in different sororities?) None of my parents are greek. That goes for my mother, stepfather (before he passed), as well as my biological father. They know very little about greek life, so they didn't have any influence. And i'm glad becuz it gave me the opportunity to think for myself and be unbiased. I think your son needs to do some serious research (if he hasn't already) and base his decision off of where his heart, mind, and spirit leads him as opposed to all of these outside forces. It's a lifetime commitment, and he will regret it if he ties himself to an organization just to please a family member or parent. I am honored to be close with my son but come fall '05 when he starts his sophomore year and at his school he can do this. Some frats have already approached him. I though you had to be a Junior at least huh? I want to define my role a little bit better. Know my bounds and be correct on my info. (I have many friends in every frat/soro) I am supportive of him becoming a member of a black fraternity. He is leaning on me for loads of advice because he does not want to offend or mislead either dad...he's cool like that. I wish him luck with his decision. I'd tell u to advise him to seriously think and pray about it. And as a parent, i know it's hard...but you're gonna have to step aside and let him really try to figure alot of this out on his own. And once he's involved, you're gonna have to trust and believe that he would be wise. I know that's your baby, but if u raised him well, he'll be alright. Thanks for your thoughts!
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