Don't Be A Me-aaaaa!
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Posted By: Sondra Lancaster on September 13, 2012 One day, I was walking through an apartment complex parking lot. A young female was walking with two young men. Apparently, one of the young men asked her for something; a kiss, a hug, money…something. She apparently said no or just didn’t comply. He immediately started saying how mad he was at her, and told her not to talk to him. She responded by pulling on his arm, and trying to hug and kiss him, but he pushed her away. Then it happened…the infamous phrase. “Don’t be mad at me-aaaaaa.” In that instance, he had stripped her of her POWER, and she became his PUPPET; ready to do whatever he asked in order to get back in his good graces. Truth be told, his requests from that point on were probably far worse than the original. She had given away her power, he knew it, and was primed and ready to exploit it. That’s when I coined the phrase “Don’t Be a Me-aaaaa,” which applies to those young females who downplay their intelligence, and amplify their naiveté and insecurities for the time and attention of a young man. And from that point, they always seem to be asking, “What about me-aaaaa.” I wholeheartedly believe that most females (young and old) do not understand nor do they fully embrace their personal POWER. The power that demands respect; the power that says “I am smart…deal with it;” the power that won’t tolerate abuse; the power that says “It’s fine if you don’t want to be with me. I will continue to exist without you,” and the power that says, “You don’t define my beauty inside or outside.” Then there is a segment of females who do recognize this POWER, rarely use it for good, but instead allow their ego to drive it. These are the ones who in turn abuse the respect, kindness, and affection given by a young man, and go out of their way to “get him before he gets me.” This is yet another example of a “Me-aaaaa,” because even in her state of ego, her insecurity still runs constant in the background. On one hand, this behavior causes me to cringe with frustration and dismay on every possible occasion. On the other hand, my heart truly goes out to these young girls because, I remember when I struggled with my own self-doubts, insecurities, and desire to just be liked, let alone loved. I’ve relinquished my own POWER on more than a handful of occasions, and prayed for just one more chance to get it right, only to disappoint myself by letting it happen again; the ultimate curse of a people-pleaser. Believing that if I didn’t do what he wanted that he would move on to the next girl who would do it. What I know now, that I didn’t know then, is that it’s ok if he moves on. It’s even ok if he doesn’t like me anymore. None of that defines who I am, or what I’m capable of achieving. It doesn’t even affect any other guy’s ability to want me. It may hurt my feelings and make me feel bad for awhile, but I WILL get through the pain and a new day will come. I only wish that the young “Me-aaaaas” of the world would take my word for it and not have to experience it for themselves. But then again, I guess that’s what life is about….experience. My hope is that one day, these young women will recognize and acknowledge their own POWER, and realize that their value and self-worth are not and cannot be dictated by anyone other than themselves. Stand tall; stand strong, and Don’t Be A Me-aaaaa. If you enjoyed this article, Join HBCU CONNECT today for similar content and opportunities via email! |
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Sondra Lancaster
Director, External Relations, Institute for Broadening Participation (IBP) University of Maryland at Col Park class of 1996 Member Since November 2003 |
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