WHAT’S LOVE GOT TO DO WITH IT?
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Little children, let us not love in word or talk
but in deed and in truth.
~ 1 John 3:18
[King James Version]
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Posted By: Ann Mack on October 04, 2013 April 19, 2013 God first gave this topic to me on December 15, 2012. But, it has, unfortunately, taken me until now to follow through with putting pen to paper to write or speak on this issue. Mainly, because I needed to answer some unresolved questions concerning love for myself – first! Did I allow the cruelty I experienced in the world to taint my perception of love? Did I have a clear understanding of the meaning of the word love to be able to address it with anyone else? My track record for developing and maintaining relationships hasn’t been very good. I tend to shy away from people at any cost as much as possible due to past hurts to include trust issues. And, I have never been very big at pretending or playing games. Although, I can be tactful, I do not sugar coat the truth. In fact, I have been told on numerous occasions that I can be too brutally honest at times for a world that encourages lies over the truth. However, I do not feel honesty and integrity should be measured in accordance to levels or degrees to which one is expected to tell the truth. You are either quite simply honest or truthful in every sense of the word or you are not; similar to being hot or cold, but not lukewarm. No in between and no gray area! He that walketh uprightly walketh surely: but he that perverteth his ways shall be known. [KJV] Whoever lives honestly will live securely, but whoever lives dishonestly will be found out. [God’s Word] The path of integrity is always safe, but a person who follows a crooked way will be exposed. [The Voice] ~ PROVERBS 10:9 At any rate, I am not married, I do not have any children and I am not in a romantic relationship with anybody other than God - at the moment. Not to mention, I had to learn to love HIM and to get to know HIM for myself to appreciate who God is! My countless number of upsets, life disappointments and heartaches, with no ideal example of a perfect relationship (if there is such a thing) for a point of reference, contributed to my trust issues to the point of me even doubting that God existed! In addition to that, the last time I checked the definition of dysfunctional families, according to my recollection, the MACK Family was listed there in all capital bolded letters and my family was a long way from being perfect. There was a lot of drama in my family that left me to this day wondering about love, fantasizing about love and attempting to fill a void caused by a lack of love. But today, I am no longer love struck. Excited about my new founded relationship with my LORD and savior, I refuse to be in a relationship for the sake of being in a relationship with no substance, because HE has taught me that! And I refuse to continue to accept society’s teaching that there is something wrong with me if I choose not to conform [Romans 12:2] to their way of thinking, customs or patterns of mistaken doctrine about relationships or loneliness as I gladly wait on God to unite me with my Boaz (read Ruth); regardless of how long it may take. ROMANS 12:2~ Do not be conformed to this world (this age), [fashioned after and adapted to its external, superficial customs], but be transformed (changed) by the [entire] renewal of your mind [by its new ideals and its new attitude], so that you may prove [for yourselves] what is the good and acceptable and perfect will of God, even the thing which is good and acceptable and perfect [in His sight for you]. Society has played a very important part in characterizing and dictating to us, the importance of a man’s role verses the role of a woman in a relationship to include attempting to change the definition of a marriage. As far back as history goes to the creation of men and women, women were led to believe they were less valued or worthy and considered to be second class citizens with no voice to agree or disagree with anything. In fact, some still believe that the only importance or value of a woman is for the pleasure of a man as his personal property. Scripture reveals to us in Genesis 2:23 that Adam which means man (and represents the first man on earth) said, “This [creature] is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of a man.” It does not translate to a woman being the property of a man. No more than scripture translating to men being the head of women. But overtime, men developed an “ole school” way of thinking which is, unfortunately, reinforced by a chauvinistic viewpoint that women should be kept at home, barefoot and pregnant; seen and not heard unless allowed by a man to do otherwise. To help drive this point home, some women have been seduced, manipulated, intimidated and oppressed into believing this to be true while attempting to teach it to other women; generation after generation after generation. But, James Brown said it best in a song entitled, THIS IS A MAN’S WORLD, BUT IT WOULD NOT BE ANYTHING WITHOUT A WOMAN OR A GIRL! Never forget that! Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. ~ GENESIS 2:24 Sometime ago, Tina Turner (born Annie Mae Bullock) wowed us with her autobiography inspired-movie entitled, WHAT’S LOVE GOT TO DO WITH IT? She shared her painful love twisted volatile (unstable) relationship with Ike Turner and the misconception of true love while making a conscious effort to hold her family together. Now, I could be wrong, but I truly believe Annie Mae Bullock fantasized about the idea of being in love, getting married and having children long before she met Ike. So, when Ike (or any man) finally came along to pursue her (or woo her), she was all too eager to accept his proposal which meant she was ripe for the picking and it was easy for him to deceive her! The gender that identifies one as being a male and female does not equate to him or her as being a man (gentleman) or woman (lady) by the true meaning of the word as defined by God in operating in their perspective roles! And society has gone through great lengths to not only destroy the sacredness (or purity) of the union between a man and woman, many are being encouraged not to pursue marriage at all while divorce and the broken family structure is at an all time high! That is why it is so important for us to not only always be focused and aware of what we want and need, but what is expected of us. Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour: ~ 1 PETER 5:8 [KJV] A relationship by definition is the connection or bond between two or more people to form a union. The development of a relationship with the right motive is an investment of time and grows overtime. It is about give and take (compromise), mutual respect, support and communication. Some relationships are formed based on the concept of love. Love can be superficial or genuine. But, God’s love for mankind is unconditional and serves as an example for how we are expected to love one another. God so loved the world that HE gave, actually sacrificed, HIS only begotten son. Contrary to popular belief, love is an action that requires you to do something by putting forth a conscious committed effort to care for another unselfishly. It should not be contingent upon a feeling you turn on and off at a whim (or at the drop of a hat). Feelings are temporary, but an action with the right mind set can be the difference between life and death. It is not solely contingent upon a physical display of affection – one for another - in accordance to the world’s view and teaching. It is an unconditional display of affection and mutual respect. It is an unchangeable mindset and deep rooted heart-filled soul piercing desire to extend the same type of love to others that is extended to you by God. It falls within God’s divine order and everything should be done decently and in order. Why? Because, love in itself should never be one-sided, but often times like a relationship, it is! Do you think Ike really loved Tina as much as she loved him? Or do you think Ike’s love of money and Tina’s gifted ability or skill (singing) for attracting money was his motivation? If she was no longer able to sing, would he still love her or would he just as easily been attracted to someone else? Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; ~ EPHESIANS 5:25 [KJV] So, WHAT’S LOVE GOT TO DO WITH IT? Everything! Until I developed a relationship with God, I had no knowledge of true love. Love is the most important ingredient in a marriage and any successful relationship. As women, we often speak of wanting to find the perfect mate and be in a committed relationship that leads to marriage. But, we too often lower our standards to fit in and to be accepted, liked and loved before evaluating and taking into consideration that which is most important; the ingredients of true love for developing a relationship to include the order for achieving the desired end result. Are we willing to put forth as much thought about being the type of person to our mate thus possessing the same characteristics that we desire for him to have? Are we willing to put forth the same time (invested interest) and effort to be the wife (and person) to a husband that we would expect and desire or deserve as our mate? God’s WORD states in PROVERBS 18:22 (paraphrase), “he who finds a wife, finds a good thing and obtains the favor of the LORD.” It does not tell us (as women) to go out searching for a man or a husband by being willing to compromise our virtue. Often times, if we are not open to seeing the truth, we can easily be misled by our need to be loved and set out on a mission to look for love in all the wrong places. Then we find ourselves making allowances for others’ lack of maturity in settling for less than what we deserve while committing ourselves to a dead-end relationship with no evidence of love. I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. ~ GALATIANS 2:20 [KJV] It is time, we as women start to see ourselves differently. We have to start liking ourselves, loving ourselves and seeing ourselves as God sees us. God did not put us here on this earth to be taken for granted. Nor did he put us on this earth to be abused or belittled. We have to stop selling ourselves short and settling for less than what we deserve. You should not want to be in a relationship for the sake of being in a relationship. You should not feel as though your life is over if you are not married or have children by a certain age. Yes, I know as single women we often times may long to be in a relationship to fill the void of loneliness. For I who have never been married have truly not ruled out the wanton of my flesh to be in a committed holy sanctified matrimonial relationship. However, if that wanting, union or connection should interfere in any way with what GOD is calling me to do or be, then it is MY DESIRE TO PLEASE HIM AND ONLY HIM. For I am willing to make the sacrifice for a little bit of loneliness! As long as I got KING JESUS, I DON’T NEED ANYBODY ELSE! For I have never felt as loved by anyone as I do by God! And I have never felt as appreciated by anyone as I do by God. From the Message Bible: The Way of Love ~ 1 CORINTHIANS 13:1-10 If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don’t love, I’m nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate. If I speak God’s Word with power, revealing all his mysteries and making everything plain as day, and if I have faith that says to a mountain, “Jump,” and it jumps, but I don’t love, I’m nothing. If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don’t love, I’ve gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I’m bankrupt without love. Love never gives up. Love cares more for others than for self. Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have. Love doesn’t strut, doesn’t have a swelled head, doesn’t force itself on others, isn’t always “me first,” doesn’t fly off the handle, doesn’t keep score of the sins of others, doesn’t revel when others grovel, takes pleasure in the flowering of truth, puts up with anything, trusts God always, always looks for the best, never looks back, but keeps going to the end. Love never dies. Inspired speech will be over some day; praying in tongues will end; understanding will reach its limit. We know only a portion of the truth, and what we say about God is always incomplete. But when the COMPLETE arrives, our incompletes will be canceled. And so faith, hope, love abide [faith—conviction and belief respecting man’s relation to God and divine things; hope—joyful and confident expectation of eternal salvation; love—true affection for God and man, growing out of God’s love for and in us], these three; but the greatest of these is love. ~ 1 CORINTHIANS 13:13 [AMP] Dear LORD, Please grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Please heal my heart of pain and loneliness, but give me the grace to endure to the end in waiting on you to bless me with a SPIRIT MATE of my dreams; however, in accordance to your choosing based on my need. Please cover me in the BLOOD OF CHRIST to flow between me and all matter of evil which only seeks to deceive me according to my flesh. Please bestow upon me YOUR WISDOM, KNOWLEDGE AND UNDERSTANDING in being able to see through the plot of the enemy in discerning all and not be trapped by my flesh into moving out ahead of YOUR blessing for my life. I pray my husband is one who will respect me, protect me as the head of our FAMILY union (and MINISTRY). One who will love me unconditionally like CHRIST loves the church in putting me first (after YOU of course). Let me embrace each lesson and disappointment from my past in not allowing me to make the same mistakes over and over again in settling for the wrong person. Dear LORD! I love YOU with all of my heart and know YOU want nothing but the best for me. Closing Testimony The Father, our creator, enlightens us through scripture in teaching us what is expected of us and lays out HIS divine order; God, Christ, Family (Husband, Wife, Children) and everything else. However, scripture, unfortunately is not only interpreted incorrectly, it is being delivered or taught incorrectly from the pulpit to the congregation. That is why God is very adamant about us studying to show ourselves approved to rightly divide the word of truth as intended by God. People allow themselves to be guided and led by man rather than the HOLY SPIRIT to all truth. And even to this day, many people do not believe in the HOLY SPIRIT to let HIM lead them to the light to empower them. Too many people quite simply go through the motions while being all too comfortable in their sin (where they are) to change their way of thinking to think or live their lives according to the ways of God. They will deliberately twist scripture, the truth, to manipulate it to mirror what they want to project according to their flesh. Attending a morning service, some time ago, I heard a comment being preached or delivered out of context by a man (a Bishop) who wanted to project a message to the congregation which had a greater impact on the women. Sitting there and taking it all in, I felt a gnawing at my gut that literally had me struggling to sit up straight. Can you imagine feeling a presence from the inside out as if you were pregnant and feeling the baby kick you with extreme force? The leading of the HOLY SPIRIT later told me to search the scriptures for myself and HE began to minister to me regarding what it was HE wanted me to do next. With reluctance, I hesitated to follow through with a request from God because I feared upsetting this man of God who told us (his congregation) his position as head of the church too often. But, who would you rather have mad (disappointed or displeased) with you; man or God? Talk about a whipping and a tongue lashing! God not only pointed out the discrepancies in what was said and how it was stated, HE ministered to me about that situation like never before. And HE did not let me get any rest until I addressed the issue accordingly (see Galatians 6:1, Matthew 18:15-17). Needless to say, that message from God through me was not received well at all and I began to wonder why God had used me if the message was to fall upon death ears! God not only revealed HIS purpose in using me, but explained in great detail why I was chosen as being the best person for the job. My brokenness (experience) as it related to family, relationships and love to be able to identify what others were not willing or able to see and confront; regardless of how it was received! A bishop then must be blameless, the husband of one wife, vigilant, sober, of good behaviour, given to hospitality, apt to teach; [KJV] Now the overseer is to be above reproach, faithful to his wife, temperate, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, [NIV] ~ 1 TIMOTHY 3:2 FOOD FOR THOUGHT: The HEAD [God’s Divine Order] A man by way of marriage is head of household which equates to the head of his family; the covering as protector and provider. If there is no man present in the household, the woman is the head, the covering, the protector and the provider. Men are not the head of all women, but only in marriage within a household or family setting. In a marriage whereby the two are in ministry, they are considered to be co-ministers or co-pastors; head #1 and head #2. The wife of the pastor should not be viewed as being a member of the congregation with a dual role as the daughter of the head. With small children present, this statement could equate to incest as it offers more confusion! Therefore, we must be very careful not to add or take anything away from scripture in how we interpret and relay information. The pastor and co-pastor may be lovingly thought of as the mother and father of the church and the sheep (the congregation) as being their children or responsibility; but, it should not be taken literally. For God, the creator, is the FATHER to us all! The majority of the time, the congregation of a church is largely comprised of women who have been hurt, abused or oppressed by a man. It could have quite easily been a relative (father, brother, uncle, etc.), a spouse or a man in general. It is also possible that as young girls, they have been witnesses to crimes committed against a woman by a man or domestic disputes involving their mother and father thus leaving a long lasting emotional trauma (or scar). Therefore, it is very important for a man of God to take his role as shepherd seriously enough to know God’s heart as it pertains to HIS daughters thus taking great precaution to cause no further unnecessary damage (harm) or pain. When the head is out of order, everything else collapses and falls out of order! When the husband in a family turns his back on his responsibility and role as the man (or head), he moves out of position thus leaving himself and his entire family exposed (uncovered). Although, I have never been married, I have not ruled it out. And I do not feel we were meant to grow old by ourselves, but it is important to be paired with the right person. So, today, I happily exercise celibacy (the need to abstain) as I patiently wait on God to prepare my Spirit mate and husband to be! REFERENCE: http://www.identitynetwork.net/Articles-an... SUGGESTED READING: BOOK: Stop Hurting, Start Healing Author: Gaspar Anastasi ISBN: 0768432510 ISBN-13: 9780768432510 SCRIPTURES: Ephesians 5:2 ~ And walk in love, as Christ also hath loved us, and hath given himself for us an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweetsmelling savour. [KJV] Ephesians 5:28 ~ So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. Isaiah 59:12-15 ~ Our wrongdoings pile up before you, God, our sins stand up and accuse us. Our wrongdoings stare us down; we know in detail what we’ve done: Mocking and denying God, not following our God, Spreading false rumors, inciting sedition, pregnant with lies, muttering malice. Justice is beaten back, Righteousness is banished to the sidelines, Truth staggers down the street, Honesty is nowhere to be found, Good is missing in action. Anyone renouncing evil is beaten and robbed. [MSG] Romans 12:9-10 ~ Let love be without dissimulation. Abhor that which is evil; cleave to that which is good. Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honour preferring one another; Deuteronomy 6: 5 ~ And thou shalt love the LORD thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might. Psalms 36: 7 ~ How excellent is thy lovingkindness, O God! therefore the children of men put their trust under the shadow of thy wings. Psalms 91: 14 ~ Because he hath set his love upon me, therefore will I deliver him: I will set him on high, because he hath known my name. Romans 13:10 ~ Love worketh no ill to his neighbour: therefore love is the fulfilling of the law. 1 John 4: 7-8, 11 1 Corinthians 7:31-40 SIDE NOTE: We must also be careful not to use children to force anyone to commit to a relationship or marriage. You cannot force anyone to love you; it could quite easily back fire! [Genesis 29:32 ~ And Leah conceived, and bare a son, and she called his name Reuben: for she said, Surely the LORD hath looked upon my affliction; now therefore my husband will love me.] If you enjoyed this article, Join HBCU CONNECT today for similar content and opportunities via email! |
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Ann Mack
Management Analyst, US Department of Energy University of the District of Columbia class of 2002 Member Since May 2008 |
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