Damn Lying Azz Grandparents
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Posted By: Roy Wood Jr. on January 22, 2006 YOU LYING Azz GRANDPARENTS I watched the season premiere of American Idol on FOX last week, how depressing. You know who they should add as a judge on American Idol, the D.C. Sniper or a few U.S. Marines still in sniper school. Some of these people who audition for this show should be shot. PERIOD. end of discussion. If the Judges give you the go-ahead to the next round...good for you. But if you suck then *BLAM*! A military style headshot shot from long range with a .308 caliber rifle. Before you think Im sick let me clarify who I want dead. Im not talking about snipers killing people who can kinda sorta sing but arent quite ready for the next level. These people generally get some positive feedback and are sent on their way. They usually curse the judges or cry in the hallway with some relatives and then head home. Those people shouldnt die. These people should. Before American Idol even airs, the final 32 contestants have already been selected. Which means that If FOX wanted to do a show dedicated to talented singers they could just skip ahead to the final 12-15 episodes and let America start voting. But they dont do that do they? They give you 8-9 episodes full of idiots so that you can have a good laugh. And a good laugh they do provide. Much in the same way "Its Showtime at the Apollo" producers select talent which they KNOW will get booed off the stage. They cast idiots because they know certain people watch Apollo just to see who will get booed. Its a decision based upon TV ratings. The untalented are always more entertaining than the talented. But the reason why dillusionallly untalented people like this exist is simple, lying ass grandparents. Granny doesnt want to hurt your self-esteem so she tells you that song you performed in the living room for everyone was wonderful. The song f-----g sucked but now Granny has planted a seed of ambition in little Timmys mind. Timmy does more songs in the living room, all of which get rave reviews from Granny. At this point Timmy is CONVINCED hes a star in the making so he grabs a sleeping bag his Spider-Man Pajama's and his lucky Michael Jackson glove and mozys on down to the A.I. auditions. None of this would have happened if his damn grandparents had told him the truth. YOU CANT SING !!!!! Look at these two chowder heads. You cant honestly tell me that people like this dont deserve a high-velocity bullet in the base of their skull. The men pictured here stood in line for 3-4 days. Stood in line ahead of someone who probably CAN sing and takes the craft seriously. And Im sure that every 'A.I'. audition city had a lines full of people like this. People with no intentions of singing but intent upon making a fool of themselves. Is that fair to the truly talented? Is that fair to some chick with 5 years of vocal training who really CAN sing? She cant show the world her talent just yet because some soft turd in a Chicago White Sox T-Shirt WITH SWEAT STAINS has something to prove. The sad thing is that this will probably be the coolest thing to ever happen to either one of them. 30 years from now hell be telling his kids, "One day your daddy got drunk and shuffled on down to the American Idol Auditions in my Statue of Liberty Gown. I still wear that gown when me and your mommy role play. She slaps me on the booty and then tells me that Ive been a bad little statue." Idiots like these are clogging up the stage. Idiots too dumb to realize that the only reason theyre getting face time is so we can laugh AT them. After rejection from the judges, Ryan Seacrest then walks these people up and down the street to further make a mockery of their delusion. After Seacrest gets these idiots 3-4 blocks away from the general audition area why not radio to Sniper Team Bravo to take the shot? And trust me, you'll only have to shoot 3-4 idiots. And after you kill them, don't move the body. Leave it right there on the sidewalk to bleed out or move all the dead bodies to the front door of the audition room to serve as an 'example' to the others. It's general human nature to pause before entering a room littered with dead bodies at the front door. I love McDonalds but if I pull up and there's a dead body on the ground...I'm going to Burger King. My point is this..once word gets out that FOX is killing people who wear stupid outfits the IDIOTS WILL STOP SHOWING UP. The line thins out, and the chick with 5 years of vocal classes doesn't have to wait 3 days to audition. I guess I shouldn't be that surprised. There's people like this in every medium of entertainment. Happens in comedy all the time. Some out of work comedic actor takes a slot from a real comic only to get on stage and do stolen jokes or work on some monologue for an upcoming audition. Other comics take issue with the weekend warriors. Guys with great paying jobs who refuse to surrender job security in exchange for being a full-time comic. They instead flirt with comedy 1-2 days a month as a hobby. This annoys some full-time guys because theyre taking stage time away from people who want to do comedy for a livingnot as an escape from the wife. But for as long as youre doing COMEDY in a COMEDY CLUB its cool with me. Cant fault a man for holding on to that $55,000 a year job and being around his kids every week. Just means hes responsible, a trait most comedians dont havemyself included. Anyway, I dont know how many grandparents come to my site but if you already have kids, eventually theyre going to get someone pregnant or become pregnant themselves, so listen to my adivece. When you become a grandparentDONT LIE TO THE CHILD. You lying ass grandparents are the problem. If the kid cant singtell them. If you don't have the guts to do so then change the subject, fake a heart attack, leave the room. Do ANYTHING but lie. Your inability to tell the truth is clogging the road to success with delusional dumb asses who went to the audition because you gave them your blessing. I'm sure they have something positive to contribute to the world...just not singing. Your idiotic grandchildren are blocking the road of success. Well guess what Grandma, the D.C. Sniper is the bulldozer. He's not eligible for parole...but that doesn't mean I can't start a petition. "It's just my thoughts. Right or wrong, just what I was thinking at the time."-Jay-Z Wood, Jr. www.roywoodjr.com www.myspace.com/roywoodjr New Prank Call Downloads the 1st and 15th If you enjoyed this article, Join HBCU CONNECT today for similar content and opportunities via email! |
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Roy Wood Jr.
From Birmingham, AL Florida A&M University class of 2001 Member Since August 2005 |
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