Mistakes
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Posted By: Brittany Bush on May 11, 2006 With the end of the year so close, I'm starting to see how many new mistakes I've been making. My relationship with my mother and father is less than perfect. Actually if our relationship was close to less than perfect I'd be happy. But with the way things are I don't see much change happening before I go off to Tuskegee in August. The fact that we're all strong minded people doesn't make it easier for me to say "I'm sorry for not doing everything I should have, I'm sorry for not being perfect, I'm sorry for all the arguments and times we yelled, and I'm sorry that this has to end this way". I will just never be the bigger person when it comes to this and neither will they (even though they think thats what they're doing). This is just something I'm going to have to carry with me and use to make sure the tradition of a bad relationship between mother's and daughter's in my family does not continue when I have kids. What's really adding on to the amount of mistakes I seem to be making are the ones in my relationships. And I only say relationships because while I don't have an offical boyfriend I do have some people. With Eric it's the fact he feels like I only use him because I know he'll always be here for me. Which in some ways might be true depending on how you look at the situation, I shouldn't have broken up with him and expected him to treat me the same. But I did break up with him for a good reason. We were in a difficult relationship and I care about him but things were getting tough.I can't be with him and i can't give him what he wants. But the love is with him. Honestly I can't commit unless I know it's worth it. Not only does Eric want the type of commitment that I might not be ready to give, but the commitment I wanna give to someone else seems important. And after what Glynn and I have gone through over the past few years he deserves the chance to be my boyfriend. I just can't do it though, these are two people I can actually be happy with and I refuse to hurt them. To bad neither of them see that by not being with them I'm trying to protect them from me. I don't wanna have this great relationship and leave for Tuskegee, both of us would end up heartbroken and more than likely with someone else. So I guess my mistake with them is knowing that I can't keep either of them, and never having the courage to explain it. Right now I'm scared out of my mind about everything that will happen over the summer. On June 22nd I graduate and my friends and I will have until August to make this summer worth, to spend time together, and try not to think about if we'll still be friends after this. My friends are people I'm close with and have been tight with for years, friendships like this will never happen again. They're more than friends they're like a second family, and a few of them I consider to be family. We've got memories and now we're gonna be separted for the longest we've been since we've been friends. But we'll work out and still be cool, I just wish I knew someone who's gone through this so they can tell me what it's like. But I guess that's it for now, till I come up with some new stuff. PEACE. If you enjoyed this article, Join HBCU CONNECT today for similar content and opportunities via email! |
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