Stopping The Cycle:
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Posted By: WILLIAM W. HEMMANS III on May 24, 2006 How To Break Generational Curses And Heal Your Family: *From recent things I have dealt with in recent blogs, I mentioned that the darnest things come my way, so I am posting here for any opinions, feelings etc. This is taken from the 22 May 06 Jet Magazine. Just think about many things I write about, the book I am writing, the things I say in it, the decisions I have made for future family etc. I even came across scripture by chance that backs things I have done in reference to my recent blog and the mention of my own mother.* Gloria saw nothing wrong with it. Ever since she was a small child, she could remember being touched and fondled by an uncle. It wasn't until she became a teenager that she discovered that most of her cousins had experienced the same, yet no one ever discussed it. As Gloria got older, she struggled with seeking help or remaining silent for fear of tarnishing the family's reputation. When she became a mother, Gloria could no longer keep her family's dirty little secret. She broke her silence and sought counseling so that she could protect her child and help her family. Gloria took the first step and stopped the cycle in her family by breaking a generational curse. Most families have them and they can be broken. A generational curse is defined as "family bondage" passed down from one generation to the next, says Rev. Dr. Sheron Patterson, senior pastor of Highland Hills United Methodist Church in Dallas. "Many families are unaware that they are caught up in generational curses because it is so normal and natural to them, " she explains. "It's not until they get counseling or they really look at the outside world that they see their world is warped and wicked and sometimes twisted." Negative patterns of behavior that could be considered generational curses are physical abuse, sexual abuse, substance abuse, and alcoholism. "It's a problem that has the family bound up,' says Patterson. "Whether it's teen pregnancy and grandmama was a teen mamma and mama was one and you're one and you never married the father. That's the family being bound up in a very negative situation. And it seems natural and normal to them." Divorce could also be considered a generational curse, says Patterson. "Peope whose parents had multiple divorces and then you have multiple divorces. People who just can't stay together and jsut can't be marriage material." Patterson says that people imitate what they see, which oftentimes makes a generational curse a "learned behavior." "I think one generation may fall into a bad habit or negative situation and they were never able to pull themselves out of it and they wind up making it internalized into the family system and the ones that follow them just follow that pattern." Clinical psychologist Dr. Charlie W. Johnson, who has offices in the washington metropolitan area, says that a generational curse is a cycle that reflects a pattern of "disconnection, disaffection and dysfunction." he explains, "It's a transgenerational perpetuation of a pattern of behavior that has an oppressive grip on a sizable proportion of our community, the African American community in particular." Negative patterns of behavior that are perpetuated, says Johnson, are often taught. "Certain behaviors are learned just by watching others," he says. "It's called vicarious reinforcement. I don't have to be, for example, in direct exposure to a viscious dog to develop a phobia. If I witness someone else experiencing that situation, that can have an impact on me and I can develop a phobia." Childhood is a crucial period in shaping a child, Johnson says. He believes that it is important for every child to have at least one positive adult in his life who adores him. "That person provides a reflection of us as a worthwhile and lovable person," he says. "When that occurs, then an individual has the freedom to explore different ways of thinking, feeling, behaving, viewing themselves and viewing others. "If that mirror is distorted, then that person is likely to develop a negative image of himself. So many of our kids-because of the parents of these kids-are operating with distorted, cracked, fragmented mirrors. It's very difficult for them to reflect a positive view of the child." A generational curse can be put to an end. Below are ways that you can stop the cycle. Steps To Break Generational Curses And Heal Your Family: Before You Can Fix It, You Have To Face It. "Usually deep inside of us, God puts a little warning signal that tells us something is not right," says Patterson. "You have to start listening to yourself and believing yourself and valuing yourself enough to heed the warning that your inner self is giving you." Once You face That Situation, Tell Somebody And talk About It. "Talk to your pastor, your counselor or friend," says Patterson. "By talking to somebody, that helps you to get some light on your situation to see whether it's normal or not." Seek Early Intervention. "This is the key before the anger and bitterness provide it a fertile ground," says Johnson of a generational curse. "When the heart hardens and defenses become rigid and trusting others becomes difficult, hope and optimism begins to fade. So intervening at a very, very early age is important." Know That You have The Power Over Your Life. "We don't have to keep on being victims," says Patterson. "It's been said that the first time you're a victim. The second time you're a volunteer when you see the situation coming and you let it happen again." Be Bold Enough To call A Wrong A Wrong. "That means that you have to have the power and believe in God that you can stand up and maybe tell your family members the situation has to stop," says Patterson. "It takes a lot of guts to be able to do that." CUT THE CONNECTION AND MOVE ON WITH YOUR LIFE. "BE BRAVE ENOUGH TO STEP OUT OF THAT SITUATION," SAYS PATTERSON. "IF YOU ARE GOING TO BREAK THAT CURSE, IT MIGHT MEAN THAT YOU ARE NOT ABLE TO HANG OUT WITH THESE FRIENDS OR FAMILY MEMBERS ANYMORE. WE'VE GOT TO REMEMBER THAT FAMILY SYSTEMS CAN BE VERY STRONG, SO PULLING AWAY TO SAVE YOURSELF MAY BE PAINFUL, BUT IT MAY BE YOUR ONLY WAY OUT." Convey The Hope That There Is The Possibility Of Change. "There is the possibility that the way things have been doesn't necessarily reflect that it is the way things will always be," says Johnson. "We have to change our pattern of behaving... The best predictor of future behavior in the absence of a powerful change agent intervening is past behavior. So something has to change. We know that unless a major intervention occurs and quickly, what we're likely to see in future generations would be of nightmarish proportion." Offer An Alternative Perpsective Of Reality. "In other words, if you envision life as a grindstone-and life can be difficult-will the grindstone sharpen you or will it grind you to dust?" says Johnson. "So that's sort of looking at a situation as a helpless victim versus one who has a spirit of overcoming." Stop Keeping Secrets. "If we are real with ourselves, a lot of us, most of us, have some type of family mess, and it's been going on for more than one generation if we're honest," says Patterson. "But the big deal is people keep secrets in families a lot. So the stuff you and I are going through now, mama might be too embarrassed to say, 'Well, that same thing happened to me.' But if your parents would open their mouthes and kind of talk about what they went through, that will show us a pattern that maybe we, the enlightened generation, can do something about. Silence really keeps evil going in our household." -Margena A. Christian *Much of what I have typed here parallel what I talk about, even the quote I use, "Evil only survives when good folks sit back and do nothing about it." If you enjoyed this article, Join HBCU CONNECT today for similar content and opportunities via email! |
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WILLIAM W. HEMMANS III
CRT 1st Response Case Manager, Mental Health Care,, Florida A&M University class of 1995 Member Since February 2004 |
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