YOU SHOWED ME WHAT LOVE WAS
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Posted By: Nimrod Shabazz on October 01, 2007 -©2007, N.M. Shabazz- Dinners with candlelight in the background and foot massages, you deserved it all but I had no intentions on delivering them to you. Love means nothing if it’s not reciprocal and like an aborted fetus I failed to produce. I was a bastard, used to receiving, not giving; I gleefully opened my arms and imported all you were willing to discharge. The antithesis of Robin Hood, I took from you and only gave to my damn self. Call me the tax collector, a selfish fellow; I became corpulent on your emotions, gorging on your openness even as your love dripped from my mouth. My gaseous discharges should have chased you away. Instead, you stayed, thinking you were some neo-Tami Terrell and I was all you needed to get by. Despite the many sleepless nights and the many times I made you cry, you never gave up hope. Yet I continued to see your affections as a weakness, becoming a kid in a candy store, I grabbed and clutched at your delectable sweets. Your sugary spirit only provided me with more impetus to act the part of the clown. You became one of the starters off my bench, but I never allowed you to have your own franchise: that would have been too much responsibility. That would have meant I was as enamored with you as you were with me. Shadows aren’t used to light and since I lived in a cave I wasn’t prepared for what you tried to give me. So now, years later when I overstand what you showed me, I hope you will forgive me for my transgressions. Unannounced to you, you taught me a lesson. You gave me all the tools to destroy you—because that’s what love is—and I acted a fool and used them against you, my ego got the best of me. Through it all, you gave of yourself unconditionally, not expecting anything in return, not caring about getting burned. Through the years I have learned what that meant, and even though things didn’t work out I now know it’s alright to believe in romance and dreams; walks in the park under pale moonlights while the one you’re with holds you tight. It’s okay to believe in love—especially if you understand it—and that’s because…despite me being emotionally bankrupt at the time, you showed me what love was. Thank you. If you enjoyed this article, Join HBCU CONNECT today for similar content and opportunities via email! |
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Nimrod Shabazz
From Dallas, TX University of Arkansas at Pine Bluff class of 1993 Member Since September 2007 |
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