Dr. Tartt's Relationship Advice- The Power of Admitting the Waitress is Cute
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Posted By: Alduan Tartt on July 09, 2008 Its hot, summertime, and once again you find yourself alone with no one to vacation in St. Lucia with. You have no problems attracting men but finding one who is marriage material is beginning to feel like Mission Impossible. However, your luck suddenly changes at an after work mixer at the W Hotel. You’ve finally met a man who is worthy of a serious date with you. He’s a tall, handsome professional gentleman with broad shoulders, large hands, and alluring lips. He’s dressed in spit polished shoes and matching take-charge persona. His swagger makes you tingle with anticipation of his power to vastly upgrade your love life. You are enjoying a wonderful first date at- SURPRISE- a nice restaurant in the upscale part of town. He opens the door for you and even selects the correct bottle of red wine, Shiraz to be exact, which happens to be your favorite to accompany your lamb chops. The food is scrumptious and the wine has warmed both your sense of hope and opened your heart to new possibilities. More importantly, this man has wasted no time in expressing his interest in you as indicated by the foot action under the table. Things are going even better than planned and then it happens… That cute, little waitress who seated the two of you- who already was a little too friendly for your liking in the first place- walks over and makes direct eye contact with your date and tops off his wine while barely even acknowledging you. Mr. Take-Charge-Persona smiles and returns the direct eye contact with Ms. Friendly. It looks like you aren’t the only one who’s in the market for a man with marriage material. What do you do? A) Give the waitress a piece of your mind B) Instruct your date to focus his attention on you and only you C) Ignore it and move on with the date D) Give the waitress a compliment and ask for the manager If you answered A… WRONG. If you answered B… WRONG. If you answered C… WRONG. If you answered D… CONGRATULATIONS and CALL ME! While putting the waitress in her place, refocusing your date, or outright ignoring Ms. Rude might make you feel better; it certainly will ruin any chance you have with Mr. Right. Why? A) Any attention you focus on the waitress affirms her as a threat in your date’s mind. If you have to check her then she must be worth pursuing or at least flirting with. B) If you have to instruct or request that your date refocus his attention on you, the “She’s Controlling Alarm” may be set off. Also, you appear desperate. Even worse, now that you have now officially verified the waitress as someone powerful enough to distract his attention away from you, he will undoubtedly want her more. C) To ignore the waitress sends a message that you are oblivious that she is openly flirting with your date OR you are accepting of it. Although it makes no sense to women, the cuter the waitress is the more your typical man will try to rationalize why it’s not “so bad” to get her number. After all, YOU didn’t say anything. D) Congratulations. MR. RIGHT is going home with YOU. I’m impressed because you must have been read my book, The Ring Formula: How To Marry MR. RIGHT, because you just pulled a serious POWER MOVE even a psychologist would be impressed with. Oh, I’m sorry…you’re probably asking, “What did I do?” 1) By publically acknowledging her beauty you demonstrated that while her beauty was obvious, it was certainly no threat to you. Your date will be impressed that you don’t have any insecurities despite a blatant violation by the waitress. 2) By asking for the manager, you scare the crap out of the waitress because she knows she was wrong. She’s afraid of a complaint but, instead, you praise her for her excellent customer service. In turn, she is so relieved that she tries to cover her tracks by filling your wine and being super nice to you. In fact, when she returns to check on your table she doesn’t even look at your date again. My, my how the tables have turned! Chances are that your date has never met a woman so confident and skillful. He now begins to look at you as the potential “ONE” and is mesmerized by your beauty, confidence, power, and security. Moral of the story, when it comes to dating towards marriage… NO INSECURITY ALLOWED. So, to all my beautiful ladies…Next time Ms. THANG decides to unwisely flirt with your man because she doesn’t know who she’s messing with…you put your RING FORMULA to work and let her know that there’s only room for one woman in your man’s life and you just so happen to be pouring her wine right now! To contact Dr. Tartt for media interviews, book as a speaker, or invite to your book club call 404-377-4757, send an email to drtartt@drtartt.com, or visit him online at www.drtartt.com. If you enjoyed this article, Join HBCU CONNECT today for similar content and opportunities via email! |
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Alduan Tartt
Owner/CEO, Visionary Minds, Inc. Morehouse College class of 1996 Member Since January 2008 |
Comments
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So, a subtle cat fight huh?! (lol)
Wednesday, July 9th 2008 at 7:25PM |
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really great read right there. i happen to agre :-)
Wednesday, July 9th 2008 at 9:24PM |
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Elynor- Thanks! Cynthia- All right then girl! Do YOU Leticia- A full cat fight would be more entertaining (LOL!!) Rob- "Hit the restaurant on another day"...classic and smooth. You know US well. Thanks man! William- Thanks, that means a lot coming from you my friend Thursday, July 10th 2008 at 8:21AM |
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I agree with Cynthia, I would not handle the situation in that way, but then Alduan you are looking at it from a man's perspective. If my date or potential partner is eyeing someone else when I am in his presence, I am thinking what will he do when I absent? Right there he is disrespecting me. His message to the waitress would be, "I am with her with I prefer you" I would not take any issue with her. The man is the obviously the fly in the ointment. That would be my last date with him.
Thursday, July 10th 2008 at 9:26AM |
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I may have done something similar as far as giving her a compliment. I have no problem acknowledging another beautiful woman. I may have given her a compliment while she was there with my date and I. I am far from insecure as I do know there are plenty of beautiful women out there, but I also am secure with my beauty. I feel it would have redirected the attention on me from the both of them. There is nothing wrong with friendly flirting. I do believe she may have been working on her tip. I was in a relationship with a man for a long time who everytime the waitress was attractive and did friendly flirting, he would tip her better than he would tip an average waitress. It never bothered me at all. Whats wrong with appreciating beauty and being polite! It takes being a secure and confident woman to not feel threatened by another beautiful woman I believe a man appreciates that quality. Now that's power!
Friday, July 11th 2008 at 9:17PM |
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