CAN YOU TAKE IT?
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Posted By: Dr. Carolyn Clansy Miller on October 09, 2008 Several years ago, I was sitting at the kitchen table chatting with one of my friends when suddenly she looked up at her 12-foot vaulted ceiling and exclaimed, "I can't take it anymore!" With my eyes squeezed together tightly, I looked toward the ceiling to see what she was talking about. "Take what?" "Take that," pointing to the silk plants positioned on a lateral trellis below the ceiling. "Dust! Dust on the plants. I can't take it anymore." She got her ladder, climbed to the top and started handing me plants that needed to be cleaned. Later, I reflected on my friend's awareness of the dust, the agitation that she felt, and her determination to do something about it. I thought to myself, "Now that's my problem. I CAN take it." Unlike my friend, I have a lot of tolerance for dust on a 12-foot ceiling. My discomfort threshold for dust is higher than hers; therefore, I don't act on dusty objects until the situation becomes worse. Isn't that often what happens in other areas of our lives? Situations deteriorate and the subsequent pain increases before we are motivated to action. Pain and discomfort are powerful change agents. We are driven to respond by the need to relieve the pain and get rid of the discomfort. The problem is that if your discomfort threshold is high, then it may take longer for you to act, get up, or do something about your situations. I talk to people all the time who want a better life. They sincerely desire a better relationship with their spouse or children. They want real financial stability, a healthy body, college education, or achievement of a dream. However, they lack the motivation to change and struggle to do anything about their circumstances. In many cases, their struggle is directly linked to their high threshold for discomfort. They have adapted to the anxiety of living pay check-to-pay check, to the pain of remaining in an abusive relationship, or to the discomfort of carrying a few extra pounds. They have built up a tolerance for things they don't like and can "take" the situation they are in. RESET YOUR PAIN THRESHOLD If you struggle to get motivated, then one of the things you need to do is reset your pain threshold. You need to get in touch with the feeling of pain in remaining the same. A strategy to help stir up some agitation is to write down your life story and then project forward to the end of it. What will your life be like in ten, fifteen, or twenty years if you do not take action? How much will you have grown in the next five years if you remain employed in the same organization? How will your current spending habits affect you when you reach retirement? What will be the long-term impact on your self-esteem and that of your children, if you remain in an unhealthy relationship? Write your story and imagine what life will be like if you continue the path you are on. YOUR NEW STORY Write a second story. This time, envision what your life can become, if you act now. When will you reach your goals if you work on them now? How will your family eulogize you if you take time now to restore and develop your relationships? What opportunities will be available to you if you start now on your educational pursuits? Where will your dreams lead you if you begin now to realize them? If you want to change, then you've gotta feel the need for it. So, stir up the pain! Stir up the discomfort! Lower your threshold till you just can't take it anymore! If you enjoyed this article, Join HBCU CONNECT today for similar content and opportunities via email! |
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Dr. Carolyn Clansy Miller
Psychologist, Charis Psychological Associates University of Houston class of 1989 Member Since July 2008 |
Comments
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Good heads up! Thanks for this post. It responds well to the one I posted today. Thank you for the refill!
Thursday, October 9th 2008 at 1:13PM |
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Some can grin, cry, gulp and bare it! Others need a new approach like you stated. Still, a few give up. I thank you for motivation.
Thursday, October 9th 2008 at 4:52PM |
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Thanks, Lesley. Looks like we are on the same page and the message bares repeating.
Thursday, October 9th 2008 at 6:51PM |
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Well put, Missrael.
Thursday, October 9th 2008 at 6:51PM |
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Actually, I'll dust what I can see...but I might have to start sneezing before I get to the ceiling fans. :)
Friday, October 10th 2008 at 9:30AM |
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Excellent observation and very insightful and interesting challenge to explore what we can and can't "take" any more. Thank you for the nudge!
Friday, October 10th 2008 at 5:04PM |
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Thanks for your comment, Ceilia.
Saturday, October 11th 2008 at 11:48AM |
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Wow! I never thought of it like that. What we be comfortable with, we tolerate. It's time to revisit these areas and cause change. Powerful. Needed this today! You just don't know. God bless. Saturday, October 11th 2008 at 8:57PM |
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Great message. I've often challenged myself asking the simple questions "What do you want and what are you willing to do or give up to acheive it?". You drive that mesage home. Thanks!
Tuesday, October 14th 2008 at 1:13PM |
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Thanks, Freya! Alan....great questions. We usually stop with the first question and go no further, but the second one is the key ---- :)) Tuesday, October 14th 2008 at 1:25PM |
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Thank You, Dr. Miller for Your Post "Can't Take It", It truely gave me a giant Leap of Faith too continue my education. Thanks Again Barbara
Wednesday, June 17th 2009 at 1:22PM |
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Barbara, Thank you for your comment! Stay Encouraged!!!!
Wednesday, June 17th 2009 at 1:29PM |
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