So here I am. 18 years older, 18 years wiser, 18 years driven. Am I the man who will lead my family into the next generation? Or am I just like the others who have had big dreams, but never did what it took to put those dream in motion? 20 years from now when people ask who am I will I be ashamed to say what I am and who I am? Or will I be able to stand tall with my head to the sky and say I am Hugh Walker, I am the man who went to College, I am the man who successfully set my dreams in motion, I am the man whom my sisters, brothers, cousins, nephews, nieces, etc. can look to and say “Yes, thats the man I want to be like”.
As I look at my High School career I continuesly say to myself “Why didn’t you do this? Or “why didn’t you do that?” The only problem with me pondering over the past is that I can’t go back and change the hands of time. As young men I can only look to the future and I hope for a more prosperous lifestyle then the one I have lived the past 18 years of my life. The grades, the documents, etc does not define who I am. I know as a college recruiter your looking at my transcripts and saying “No way this kid should be at Morehouse College” “He doesn’t have the grades, He doesn’t have the extracurriculars, He has nothing”. You would be absolutely right for not accepting me to Morehouse College. However I’m asking your school to take a chance on a man who wants to be something more then just a statistic. I’m asking you to see what I see in me. I want your school to see the young men who has an undying willingness to do what it takes to be a leader, to be a son, to be a brother and most importantly to be Man.
I was once told that all I can ask for is a chance, then once you get that chance make sure the world sees your star shine brighter then any other star in the sky. Well Morehouse if you decide to give me that chance to prove myself at the highest level of education I know in every part of my body that I will take that chance and run with it. My goal in life is to prove to not only my doubters, but to myself that I can do anything I set my mind to. If I want to be a pilot of a plane, or a lawyer, or whatever as long as I have the education and the drive I can do anything.
A few years ago I remember standing on the porch of my house and telling my sister that some day I’ll be able to fly. She responded and said, “Unless you have wings or something, there ain't no way you’re going to be able to fly”. Well at that age I was like whatever you will see. Now that I’m older and I look back to that conversation I can think about what she meant by that. People always say you can’t do anything in life without help during the way, but in my case I tried flying without wings all my life, now that I’m older I realize that sometimes its not so bad having a little help or asking for help.
This is just a sample, I want to add a paragraph or 2 then I'll be done. So what do y'all think?
So here I am. 18 years older, 18 years wiser, 18 years driven. Am I the man who will lead my family into the next generation? Or am I just like the others who have had big dreams, but never did what it took to put those dream in motion? 20 years from now when people ask who am I will I be ashamed to say what I am and who I am? Or will I be able to stand tall with my head to the sky and say I am Hugh Walker, I am the man who went to College, I am the man who successfully set my dreams in motion, I am the man whom my sisters, brothers, cousins, nephews, nieces, etc. can look to and say “Yes, thats the man I want to be like”.
As I look at my High School career I continuesly say to myself “Why didn’t you do this? Or “why didn’t you do that?” The only problem with me pondering over the past is that I can’t go back and change the hands of time. As young men I can only look to the future and I hope for a more prosperous lifestyle then the one I have lived the past 18 years of my life. The grades, the documents, etc does not define who I am. I know as a college recruiter your looking at my transcripts and saying “No way this kid should be at Morehouse College” “He doesn’t have the grades, He doesn’t have the extracurriculars, He has nothing”. You would be absolutely right for not accepting me to Morehouse College. However I’m asking your school to take a chance on a man who wants to be something more then just a statistic. I’m asking you to see what I see in me. I want your school to see the young men who has an undying willingness to do what it takes to be a leader, to be a son, to be a brother and most importantly to be Man.
I was once told that all I can ask for is a chance, then once you get that chance make sure the world sees your star shine brighter then any other star in the sky. Well Morehouse if you decide to give me that chance to prove myself at the highest level of education I know in every part of my body that I will take that chance and run with it. My goal in life is to prove to not only my doubters, but to myself that I can do anything I set my mind to. If I want to be a pilot of a plane, or a lawyer, or whatever as long as I have the education and the drive I can do anything.
A few years ago I remember standing on the porch of my house and telling my sister that some day I’ll be able to fly. She responded and said, “Unless you have wings or something, there ain't no way you’re going to be able to fly”. Well at that age I was like whatever you will see. Now that I’m older and I look back to that conversation I can think about what she meant by that. People always say you can’t do anything in life without help during the way, but in my case I tried flying without wings all my life, now that I’m older I realize that sometimes its not so bad having a little help or asking for help.
This is just a sample, I want to add a paragraph or 2 then I'll be done. So what do y'all think?
That was a Great essay.. if i was a morehouse college recruiter I'd accept you to the school. Um... I found like one mistake. In the 4th line, I think, wherever you mention " never did what it took to put those dream in motion", it should be dreams. Oh and this is just me, but i would flip the last two paragraphs, the 2nd to last one seems stronger! Well Good Luck with Morehouse!
That was a good start. I was just wondering if the admissions essay was open topic or did you have to write on one that they provided. I would also suggest mentioning WHY your grades, transcripts, etc don't represent who you are and HOW you learn from life experiences. Actually mentioning specific things in your life will help. You need to make those people feel you in your essay. They need to have a Oprah moment while reading your essay. lol
Overall, I think you are going in the right direction. However, I recommend adding information on the positive things that you have done throughout high school. Also, it’s not too late to join organizations and perform community service. Below are a few more recommendations. Good Luck!
In your 2nd paragraph, change "As young men I can only look to the future" to "As a young man I can only look to the future".
In your 2nd paragraph, change "I know as a college recruiter your looking" to "I know as a college recruiter you are looking".
this is REALLY good!!! im applying to Morehouse as well and I am in the same boat as you academically....but i wish the best for you and once you get ur acceptance letter, let us know!!
Overall, your essay is good. I suggest that you elaborate what "you" can offer the college. Let your credentials, your attributes, your attitude, and whatever else to make you stand out. I will have to admit-they will look at your grades and think very hard about admitting you but you should know grades aren't everything. You should try your best, your absolute grand to write the best essay you can. On some sentences you put "you" when "you're" or "you are" is needed. Have your English teacher or another adult who can help give you some help on your essay. Like I said earlier let yourself shine through that paper. That's the only way you will stand a chance of getting admitted or not. Never give up, be doubtful, or let yourself down. God works in mysterious ways.
