A powerful senator dies after a prolonged illness. His soul arrives in
heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.
"Welcome to Heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there
is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so
we're not sure what to do with you."
"No problem, just let me in," says the senator.
"Well, I'd like to but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do is have
you spend one day in Hell and one in Heaven. Then you can choose where to
spend eternity."
"Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in Heaven."
"I'm sorry but we have our rules," replies St. Peter.
And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down,
down to Hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green
golf course. Nearby are all his friends and other politicians who had worked
with him. Everyone is in evening attire and very happy to see him. They run
to greet him, hug him, and reminisce about the good times they had while
getting rich at the expense of the people. They play a friendly game of golf
and then dine on lobster and caviar.
Also present is the Devil, who really is a very friendly guy and who has a
good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good time that
the time flies, before he realizes it, the senator has to go. Everyone gives
him a big hug and waves while the elevator rises.
The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on Heaven where St. Peter
is waiting for him.
"Now it's time to visit Heaven."
The next 24 hours pass with the senator joining a group of contented souls
moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good
time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter
returns.
"Well then, you've spent a day in Hell and another in Heaven. Now choose
your eternity." The senator reflects for a minute, then answers, "Well, I
would never have said it, I mean Heaven has been delightful, but I think I
would be better off in Hell."
So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to
Hell. Now the doors of the elevator open and he is in the middle of a barren
land covered with waste and garbage. He sees all his friends, dressed in
rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags.
The Devil comes over to him and lays his arm on his neck.
"I don't understand," stammers the senator. "Yesterday I was here and there
was a golf course and a beautiful club and we ate lobster and caviar and
danced and had a great time. Now there is only a wasteland full of garbage
and my friends look miserable.
The Devil looks at him, smiles and says, "Yesterday we were campaigning.
Today you voted for us!"
=============================
If ya got some JoKes... Y'Kno what to do
I found this site that got MAAAAAAAAAAD joKes on it... some we've seen and heard and others I just got a KicK out of ... I would throw the site down, but then there won't be any point to postin any JoKes.
A young guy drops off his girlfriend at her home after being out together on a date. When they reach the front door he leans up against the house with one hand and says to her, "How about a ****?"
"What! Are you crazy!"
"Don't worry, it will be quick," he ensures his girlfriend.
"No! Someone might see us..."
"It's just a small ****," he insists, "and I know you like it."
"No! I said no!"
"Baby... don't be like that."
"Come on baby pleeeeaassseee"
"I'm not going to give you a ****"
"Why Not...baby it will be quick I promise?"
Suddenly, the girl's younger sister shows up at the door in her nightgown, with her hair a mess, and rubbing her eyes. She looks at them and smirks, "Dad says either you blow him, I blow him, or he'll come downstairs and blow the guy himself... but for God's sake tell your boyfriend to take his hand off the intercom."
There's an old black couple, the husband of which is terminally ill. The wife goes the hospital and asks the doctor what she can do to keep him alive as long as possible. He says that she should pamper him, doing everything he says and catering to his every whim and this will add years to his life. She goes home and tells her husband that she saw his doctor and the husband asks what the doctor said. The wife tells the husband that he's going to die the next day.
A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves in the yard. The little boy sees an earthworm trying to get back into its hole. He says, 'Grandpa, I bet I can put that worm back in that hole. 'The grandfather replies, 'I'll bet you five dollars you can't. It's too wiggly and limp to put back in that little hole. 'The little boy runs into the house and comes back out with a can of hair spray. He sprays the worm until it is straight and stiff as a board. Then he stuffs the worm back into the hole. The grandfather hands the little boy five dollars, grabs the hair spray and runs into the house.
Thirty minutes later, the grandfather comes back out and hands the little boy another five dollars. The little boy says, 'Grandpa, you already gave me five dollars. 'The grandfather replies, 'I know. That's from your grandma.'
:lol:
A black girl goes to spend the night over one of her white friend's houses. The white girl's mom comes up the stairs and tells them to go to bed. The white tells her mother to go **** herself. So the black girl goes home, attempting the same thing. The girl's mother tells her to go **** herself. The black girl wakes up a month later asking where she is. She is told she's in intensive care.
A man meets a gorgeous woman in a bar. They talk, they connect, they end up leaving together.
They get back to her place, and as she shows him around her apartment, he notices that her bedroom is completely packed with teddy bears.
Hundreds of small bears on a shelf all the way along the floor, medium sized ones on a shelf a little higher and huge bears on the top shelf along the wall.
The man is kind of surprised that this woman would have a collection of teddy bears, especially one that's so extensive, but he decides not to mention this to her.
After a night of passion, as they are lying together in the afterglow, the man rolls over and asks, smiling, 'Well, how was it?'
The woman says, 'You can have any prize from the bottom shelf.'
I found this site that got MAAAAAAAAAAD joKes on it... some we've seen and heard and others I just got a KicK out of ... I would throw the site down, but then there won't be any point to postin any JoKes.
