A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms. The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young man wants.
"Well," he said, "I've been seeing this girl for a while and she's really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight's "the" night. We're having dinner with her parents, and then we're going out. And I've got a feeling I'm gonna get lucky after that. Once she's had me, she'll want me all the time, so you'd better give me the 12 pack." The young man makes his purchase and leaves.
Later that evening, he sits down to dinner with his girlfriend and her parents. He asks if he might give the blessing, and they agree. He begins the prayer, but continues praying for several minutes. The girl leans over and says, "You never told me that you were such a religious person." He leans over to her and whispers, "You never told me that your father is a pharmacist."
PRAISE THE LORD!!!
Ghetto Spelling Bee
Tyreal came home from school disappointed. "I hate English, dem teachers are always changing stuff".
Mother: "Tyreal, have you been using bad words and writing dirty notes again?"
Tyreal: "Naw, momma, I sware I didn't. I used all of my spelling words in a sentence like the teacher say, but the teacher, she gave me an "F".
1. HOTEL - My Momma said that she ain' gon tell her friend Shaqueta nothing else, cause that HOTEL everthang she know.
2. HONOR ROLL - We was playing bidwiz on the stoop the other day and man, I was HONORROLL.
3. PLANET - Leroy got arrested cause he got him some seed to grow weed, and he PLANET in the backyard.
4. DISMAY - I went for a blood test, the doctor pulled out a needle and said DISMAY hurt a little.
5. OMELETTE - I should punch you for what you jes said but OMELETTE it go dis time.
6. STAIRWAY - Getting high is stupid. It makes you STAIRWAY into space.
7. MOBILE - I went to buy some food, I was short on cash, and my man said gimme one MOBILE.
8. DEFENSE - I saw this dude running from the! cops, but he hopped DEFENSE and got away.
9. AFRO - I got so mad at my girl, AFRO a lamp at her.
10. AFTERMATH - I don't feel like being at school today so AFTERMATH, I'm out.
11. LOCKET - I slam the door so hard, I LOCKET.
12. DOMINEERING - My girl's birthday was yesterday, so I got her a DOMINEERING.
13 KENYA - I needed money for the subway, so I **** a stranger KENYA spare some change.
14. DERANGE - DERANGE is where da deer and da antelope play.
15 DATA - At my basketball game, I scored thirty points My coach say DATA boy.
16. BEWARE - I asked the man at the unemployment office, "Is dis BEWARE I can get a job?"
17. DIMENSION - I be tall, dark, handsome and not DIMENSION smart.
18. COATROOM - The judge said, "One more outburst, you'll be thrown out de COATROOM."
19. DECIDE - My boy fronting' like he love his girl but eribody know he got a couple of chicks on DECIDE.
20. FASCINATE - Her dress got 10 buttons, but she so big she can't FASCINATE.
One day a little girl came running into her house yelling, "Mommy, I got five dollars!"
The mother was curious, so she asked her child where she got the five dollars from.
The little girl replied, ''Tommy down the street gave me five dollars for doing cartwheel while he sat in the tree.
The mother told her daughter, "Don't you know that Tommy is just trying to see your ****."
''OOOOhhhh'' said the little girl.
The next day the little girl came running into the house yelling, "Mommy, I got ten dollars. The mother asked, "Where did you get the ten dollars from?"
The little girl replied, "Tommy down the street gave me ten dollars for doing a cartwheel while he sat up in the tree and laughed." The mother replied, "Didn't I tell you that he is...'' Before the mother could finish, the little girl said, ''Wait Mommy. I tricked him, I didn't wear any **** today.''
Kinda long but y'all don't have anything better to do, anyway. LOL!
Sumb!tch A filthy rich North Carolina man decided That he wanted to throw a Party & invited All of his buddies & neighbors. He also Invited Leroy, the only Black man inThe neighborhood. He held the party around the pool in the Backyard of his mansion. Leroy was Having a good time drinking, Dancing, eating Shrimp, Oysters, BBQ & flirting With all the women. At the height of the party, the host said, 'I have a 10ft man-eating gator In my Pool & I'll give a million dollars to Anyone who has the nerve to Jump in. The words were barely out of his mouthWhen there was a loud splash & everyone turned around & saw Leroy in the pool!Leroy was fighting the gator & kicking its ****! Leroy was jabbing the Gator in the Eyes with his thumbs, throwing Punches, head butts & Choke Holds, biting the gator on the Tail & flipping the gator Through the air like Some kind of Judo Instructor. The water was churning & splashing everywhere. Both Leroy & the gatorWere screaming & raising hell. Finally Leroy strangled the gator & let It float to the top like a dime store Goldfish. Leroy then slowly Climbed out of the pool. Everybody was just staring At him in disbelief. Finally the host says, 'Well, Leroy, I Reckon I owe you a million dollars.'No, that's okay. I don't wantIt,' said Leroy. The rich man said, 'Man, I have to give You something. You won the bet. How About half a million bucks then?' 'No thanks. I don't want it,' Answered Leroy. The host said, 'Come on, I insist onGiving you something. That was Amazing. How about a newPorsche, a Rolex & some Stock options?' Again Leroy said no. Confused, the rich man asked, 'Well, Leroy, then what do you want?' Leroy said, 'I want the name of theSumb!tch who pushed me in the pool!'
One day a little girl came running into her house yelling, "Mommy, I got five dollars!"
The mother was curious, so she asked her child where she got the five dollars from.
The little girl replied, ''Tommy down the street gave me five dollars for doing cartwheel while he sat in the tree.
The mother told her daughter, "Don't you know that Tommy is just trying to see your ****."
''OOOOhhhh'' said the little girl.
The next day the little girl came running into the house yelling, "Mommy, I got ten dollars. The mother asked, "Where did you get the ten dollars from?"
The little girl replied, "Tommy down the street gave me ten dollars for doing a cartwheel while he sat up in the tree and laughed." The mother replied, "Didn't I tell you that he is...'' Before the mother could finish, the little girl said, ''Wait Mommy. I tricked him, I didn't wear any **** today.''
