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I have an issue with MEN and CONTROL Posted on 01-16-2005
La

Ima try to be shortwinded cause I could do alotta elaborating on this issue... Growing up...My MOTHER ran our home. She made alot of the decisions regarding just about everything, took care of the finances...and even at one point for a long time was the breadwinner in the house. Dont get me wrong, my father wasnt no soft n*gga who let my mom run all over him and whatnot...but he didnt have a problem supporting my mom in being head of the household in my opinion... Growing up my mom would make comments to me like " an INDEPENDENT woman knows how to keep her own last name " My mom's name is hyphenated. " You should be prepared for ANYTHING and not have to ever depend on no man for nothing. " She loves my father and respects him as a man....but alot of her mentality is like " I love you as my husband and want you in my life, but I dont need you. I woud be aight without you. " Even tho I do have issues with my mom, and I have a lot of respect for her in this respect.... NOW, here is where I come in... Because of how I have been raised...I plan on keeping my name just the way it is...not even hyphenating. Why you ask? Because I feel like Im still my own person and a name dont matter, and I am a more independent woman in doing so....PLUS a man can ask for his name back if yall get divorced...and Ill be damned if that happens to me...And I will still feel like I am in control... As discussed in a previous thread, my son will NOT be named after his father. Why you ask? Because it is an unimportant tradition that needs to be broken in my opinion. And maybe its a bit extreme to feel but im just like " my husband aint so special where the son would automatically be named after him. No questions asked. " I think not. Plus, I feel like I wont have any control in that situation... My friends think Im crazy to actually wanting to have a seperate bank account along with the shared account with my husband. But as I see it, and been raised...be prepared for ANYTHING...and you gotta be prepared with ya own loot....cause Ill be damned If for some reason my husband leaves me for another woman, and Im begging him for some money cause everything is in HIS name...I wont be going out like that, and he wont have that control over me. These are just a FEW of the reasons why I have issues with men and control...I just wanna be an indepenent wife who can be in control, and not be the submissive type where my man has to be the one making all the decisions and whatnot because he is a " man. " Hopefully yall can see why I feel the way I do about this....but feedback is appreciated.
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In Rod We Trust replied on 01-16-2005 11:39AM [Reply]
Damn Mila thats harsh. Why even get marries just have a live-in boyfriend I mean that basically what it is anyway.....
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La replied on 01-16-2005 11:45AM [Reply]
Da_Rodfather wrote:
Damn Mila thats harsh. Why even get marries just have a live-in boyfriend I mean that basically what it is anyway.....
Whats harsh? and it really isnt the same thing...and plus i dont believe in shacking up.
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AggieSweetie07 replied on 01-16-2005 01:21PM [Reply]
i totally understand where you are coming from...
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shygirl_19 replied on 01-16-2005 01:53PM [Reply]
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Because of how I have been raised...I plan on keeping my name just the way it is...not even hyphenating. Why you ask? Because I feel like Im still my own person and a name dont matter, and I am a more independent woman in doing so....PLUS a man can ask for his name back if yall get divorced...and Ill be damned if that happens to me...And I will still feel like I am in control...
I feel like I define myself as a person, and I make myself unique. A name doesn't do that for me. There might be millions of people in the world with my last name, but none of them can possess my qualities. If I change my name tommorrow I'd still be the same person. Therefore I have no problem with taking my husband's last name. I use to think this way also, and since I was a little girl my father always told me to preserve the family's name, even if I get married. But now that I've really fallen in love with someone who I feel will possibly be my husband, I would love to take his last name. My boyfriend and I had a discussion about this and he told me he would be hurt if I didn't want to take his last name if we got married. And I kind of understood why and felt flattered. I have no problem with my man wanting to lay claim to me, in a loving and not dominating way ofcourse. And if a name is not important to you then why would you "be damned" if say your future husband who you've taken the last name of, wants it back? I'd be like "Fuc* k him", give him his name back, and go on with my life.
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My friends think Im crazy to actually wanting to have a seperate bank account along with the shared account with my husband. But as I see it, and been raised...be prepared for ANYTHING...and you gotta be prepared with ya own loot....cause Ill be damned If for some reason my husband leaves me for another woman, and Im begging him for some money cause everything is in HIS name...I wont be going out like that, and he wont have that control over me.
I DEFINETLY feel you on that!
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Growing up my mom would make comments to me like " an INDEPENDENT woman knows how to keep her own last name " My mom's name is hyphenated. " You should be prepared for ANYTHING and not have to ever depend on no man for nothing. " She loves my father and respects him as a man....but alot of her mentality is like " I love you as my husband and want you in my life, but I dont need you. I woud be aight without you. " Even tho I do have issues with my mom, and I have a lot of respect for her in this respect....
What does keeping your maiden name in a marriage have to do with personal independence? My parents both do very well for themselves individually, and I believe that if God forbid, their marriage would come to an end, one would be financially alright without the other. And although my mother could definetly support herself, she took my father's last name, and that didn't make her less of an independent woman.
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These are just a FEW of the reasons why I have issues with men and control...I just wanna be an indepenent wife who can be in control, and not be the submissive type where my man has to be the one making all the decisions and whatnot because he is a " man. " Hopefully yall can see why I feel the way I do about this....but feedback is appreciated.
I've never been married, but from observing my parents, marriage shouldn't be about who has control and who doesn't. The importance of marriage is the love that you two share allowing you to work together. In other words, because you love each other, you both as husband and wife, should be submissive to each other, and respect each other's feelings in everything you both do. I would think that when I'm married, my future husband would consult me before he makes any kind of decision and I should do the same.
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Princess LaRonda replied on 01-16-2005 03:59PM [Reply]
i feel you mila!!!
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Kinkee replied on 01-16-2005 05:23PM [Reply]
Lady_ J wrote:
My friends think Im crazy to actually wanting to have a seperate bank account along with the shared account with my husband. But as I see it, and been raised...be prepared for ANYTHING...and you gotta be prepared with ya own loot....cause Ill be damned If for some reason my husband leaves me for another woman, and Im begging him for some money cause everything is in HIS name...I wont be going out like that, and he wont have that control over me.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with this. That is the way it should be. You must have something for yourself in cause nuccas want to get all crazy and take all ya shyt.
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AggieSweetie07 replied on 01-16-2005 06:07PM [Reply]
Kinkee wrote:
Lady_ J wrote:
My friends think Im crazy to actually wanting to have a seperate bank account along with the shared account with my husband. But as I see it, and been raised...be prepared for ANYTHING...and you gotta be prepared with ya own loot....cause Ill be damned If for some reason my husband leaves me for another woman, and Im begging him for some money cause everything is in HIS name...I wont be going out like that, and he wont have that control over me.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with this. That is the way it should be. You must have something for yourself in cause nuccas want to get all crazy and take all ya shyt.
you said it girl... :roll: :arrow:
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atlprincess from College Park, GA replied on 01-16-2005 10:29PM [Reply]

I understand pretty much what you are saying. Last night I was talking ot my ex and he was saying how he didn't want his first born son to be named after him.....ya'll pretty much said the same thing so I agree with that. And with the whole seperate accounts thing.....that's a smart idea because any day a man could just up and leave you and then you wuld be left with nothing. My parents have seperate accounts and a joint account.....so far that seems to be working. I am really feeling this thread though.....
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laidbackfella from Orangeburg, SC replied on 01-16-2005 10:36PM [Reply]

Lady_ J wrote:
but feedback is appreciated.
So what purpose would getting married serve for you?
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