Most of these pretain to white folks, but they're helpful and funny nonetheless.
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1. Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later how to use it.
2. If you forget a Southerner's name, refer to him (or her) as "Bubba." You have a 75% chance of being right.
3. Just because you can drive on snow and ice does not mean we can. Stay home the two days of the year it snows.
4. If you do run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in the cab of a four-wheel drive with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them. Just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.
5. Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store.
6. Do not buy food at the movie store.
7. If it can't be fried in bacon grease, it ain't worth cooking, let alone eating.
8. Remember: "Y'all" is singular. "All y'all" is plural. "All y'all's" is plural possessive.
9. There is nothing sillier than a Northerner imitating a Southern accent, unless it is a Southerner imitating a Boston accent.
10. Get used to hearing, "You ain't from around here, are you?
11. People walk slower here.
12. Don't be worried that you don't understand anyone. They don't understand you either.
13. The first Southern expression to creep into a transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective "Big ol'." as in "big ol' truck" or "big ol' boy." Eighty-five percent begin their new Southern-influenced dialect with this expression. One hundred percent are in denial about it.
14. The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper.
15. Be advised: The "He needed killin'" defense is valid here.
16. If attending a funeral in the South, remember, we stay until the last shovel of dirt is thrown on and the tent is torn down.
17. If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this!" stay out of his way. These are likely the last words he will ever say.
18. Most Southerners do not use turn signals, and they ignore those who do. In fact, if you see a signal blinking on a car with a southern license plate, you may rest assured that it was on when the car was purchased.
19. Northerners can be identified by the spit on the inside of their car's windshield that comes from yelling at other drivers.
20. The winter wardrobe you always brought out in September can wait until November.
21. If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the most minuscule accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store. It does not matter if you need anything from the store – it is just something you're supposed to do.
22. Satellite dishes are very popular in the South. When you purchase one it is to be positioned directly in front of your trailer. This is logical bearing in mind that the dish cost considerably more than the trailer and should, therefore, be displayed.
23. Tornadoes and Southerners going through a divorce have a lot in common. In either case, you know someone is going to lose a trailer.
24. Florida is not considered a southern state. There are far more Yankees than southerners living there.
25. In Southern churches you will here the hymn, "All Glory, Laud and Honor." You will also here expressions such as, "Laud, have mercy." "Good Laud," and "Laudy, Laudy, Laudy."
26. As you are cursing the person driving 15 mph in a 55 mph zone, directly in the middle of the road, remember, many folks learned to drive on a model of vehicle known as John Deere, and this is the proper speed and lane position for the vehicle.
27. You can ask a Southerner for directions, but unless you already know the positions of key hills, trees, and rocks, you're better off trying to find it yourself.
im from jerzee and i go to asu which school in alabama u goin to???? best believe u will find ppl from where u r at ur school i didnt think i would at state but there are alot of ppl from up north down here in alabama at school i rep jerzee all the time and even have a jerzee crew i mean u always gonna rep where u from and always be proudd cuz ppl down here sure rep where they from hard there are mad ppl at state from boston u will most def have to get used to down south rap....it took me a while but i like it now it just depends on who u meet and if this is really what u want to stay
Hope this helps you out.
SHEFF'S DOWN SOUF GUIDE FOR NORTHERNERS
1. We drive just as bad (if not worse) as y'all do.
2. The heaviest coat we will ever wear down here is a Braves/Falcons/Bulldogs/Yellow Jackets/Crimson Tide/Vols jacket.
3. If there's even a slight chance of snow, everything WILL close down.
4. Down here, we pump our own gas. (What's up with Jersey?)
5. If it has a V8, we WILL put big rims on it.
6. Crunk isn't a type of rap, it's a way of life.
7. (For future ATLiens only) Please don't ask why a lot of black folk live in a town where the biggest landmark is a big **** piece of granite with Confederate soldiers etched onto it.
8. "Y'all" and "Shawty" are the two most important word's in our vocabulary.
9. You may not understand everything we say, but thanks to our lame radio stations who put 50 cent on HEAVY rotation, we understand every **** thing y'all say.
10. Southern girlz love northern nyggas. Use that to your advantage.
11. Most old black southern men (mostly in the boondocks) will hate you and talk about how "all dem damn yankis takin' our jobs."
12. Down here EVERYTHANG is a hoe.
a. "Ay, shawty, you gon git dem Jays?" "Yeah, ****, I'm boutta git them HOES tomar."
b. "Where you frum nygga?" "Scottsdale HOE."
c. "When dat lil' HOE **** nygga gon come wit my Chili Cheese Frito's?"
I'll be back with some more (probably)
Thank you and good night.
