I rear ended a car this morning...I tell you, It is going to be a REALLYbad day! The driver got out of the other car, and he was a ****!!He looked up at me and said "I am NOT Happy!" So I said, "Well, then...... which one ARE you?" That's how the fight started...
ChildbirthDue to a power ****, only one paramedic responded to the call.The house was very dark so the paramedic asked Kathleen, a 3 yr.old girl to hold a flashlight high over her mommy so he could see while he helped deliver the baby.Very diligently, Kathleen did as she was asked. Heidi pushed and pushed and after a little while, Connor was born.The paramedic lifted him by his little feet and spanked him on his bottom. Connor began to cry. The paramedic then thanked Kathleen for her help and asked the wide-eyed 3 yr. old what she thought about what she had just witnessed. Kathleen quickly responded, "He shouldn't have crawled in there in the first place......smack his @$$ again!"
Out Of GasA man was driving down the road and ran out of gas. Just at that moment, a bee flew in his window.The bee said, "What seems to be the problem?" "I'm out of gas." the man replied.The bee told the man to wait right there and flew away. Minutes later, the man watched as an entire swarm of bees flew to his car and into his gas tank. After a few minutes, the bees flew out. "Try it now," said one bee.The man turned the ignition key and the car started right up. "Wow!" the man exclaimed, "What did you put in my gas tank"? The bee answered...
PRAISE THE LORD!!!
THESE ARE SAYINGS THAT GOD MIGHT SAY!!!
1. Let's Meet At My House Sunday Before the Game - God
2. C'mon Over And Bring The Kids - God
3. What Part of "Thou Shalt Not..." Didn't You Understand? - God
4. We Need To Talk - God
5. Keep Using My Name in Vain And I'll Make Rush Hour Longer! - God
6. Loved The Wedding, Invite Me To The Marriage - God
7. That "Love Thy Neighbour" Thing, I Meant It. - God
8. I Love You...I Love You...I Love You... - God
9. Will The Road You're On Get You To My Place? - God
10. Follow Me. - God
11. Big **** Theory? You've Got To Be Kidding. - God
12. My Way Is The Highway. - God
13. Need Directions? - God
14. You Think It's Hot Here? - God
15. Tell The Kids I Love Them. - God
16. Need a Marriage Counselor? I'm Available. - God
17. Have You Read My #1 Best Seller? There Will Be A Test! - God
18. Got Jesus!-God
19. The Ten Commandments Are Not Multiple Choice!-God
20. There's Only One Way To Go And That's Up!-God
PRAISE THE LORD!!!
I enjoyed my sayings so much, that I have to post again. This time I'll make it a joke... ENJOY!!!
A young couple were on their way to get married when they were **** in a car accident. When they got to heaven they asked St. Peter if they could see God. St. Peter said, "I think I can arrange that." The next day the couple received a call to come before the throne. The Lord asked them what they wanted to see him for. They said, "We know this is heaven and we are glad to be here, but we would still like to get married." The Lord said, "I'll have to get back to you on that" and dismissed them from the throne room. Ten years later the Lord calls them back to his throne room and asked if they still wanted to get married. They said with great excitement, "Yes , we sure do." The Lord said, "This preacher is going to marry you today." They got married and left happy. A few months later they asked to see the Lord again and said, "We know this is heaven, but we can not get along and we want a divorce." The Lord said, "Now look, it took me ten years to get a preacher up here, if you think I'm going to get a lawyer up here you're crazy!!!
